Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone a wonderful and safe New Year celebration!!! Matt is a bit under the weather so we're gearing up for a nice quiet night at home. :)
I hope this year holds all the magic and peace that your hearts can imagine. May all of our dreams come true in this new year and if they don't...may we have the strength to remind ourselves how much we DO have to be grateful for. I find myself thinking of all of the people in our country and every other country in the world that are facing such overwhelming turmoil heading into their new year. Many are feeling something that I can't even fathom experiencing or facing everyday. I have been feeling a very raw sense of gratitude lately...for those in my life that love me and support me...for the roof over my head and the food on my plate...for the freedom that is a part of my everyday...for the decisions I can make about my life....for the unconditional love of my kitty and puppy...for my husband who "gets" me...for those who have come before and for those who are yet to come...for the option of hope...I'm grateful.
May we all make some new year's resolutions this year that contribute to the goodness of humanity or the conservation of our world or just something that makes life a little better for everyone. If you want to share your resolution, I would love to hear them!! :)
Happy New Year!!!! We love you!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Happy Anniversary!!

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!! :)
I'm so grateful for the love and respect that you have for one another. It has been the foundation for which I have learned many important lessons and I thank you for that more than anything!
I hope you both have a wonderful day celebrating the last 34 years together. I love you so much!!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Happy Birthday Shuazee! :)

Happy Birthday Josh!! I hope you are having a wonderful day (sorry you have to work). I'm so glad you are a part of our family and we just wanted you to know that we're thinking about you and love you and wish you the very best of years thus far!! :)
Happy happy day!!
Matt & Jamie

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Happy Holidays!

Well...soon we're off to spend the holiday up North. The days leading up to today have been hard for me for one reason or another...I feel like I've just "existed" within my life and haven't really been living in it. Not too sure I cared one way or the other for a while. I'm still not sure I found my Christmas spirit either, but I'm trying. :) I'm hoping that the colder weather, festivities of the season, sipping hot cocoa, getting well, spending some time doing something other than trying to accomplish the overwhelming number of things that need to be done and seeing our "up north" family will help get me in the Christmas mood. Anyway...I wanted to please ask you not to be offended if you did not receive a Christmas card, because as earlier noted...those did not get sent out this year. I am truly thinking of all of you though and just wanted you to know that.

To my family here...I will miss you. I'm feeling rather emotional this year and feeling the urge to cling tight, but I know it's just a "phase I'm going through". :) I hope you all have a beautiful Christmas full of lots and lots of laughter, joy and wonderful conversations. You will all be in my thoughts and I will talk to you on Christmas! I love you! (don't forget to leave cookies for Santa!)

To my family up north...I promise not to be a scrooge like I have been so far this year. :) I'm looking forward to seeing all of you and enjoying the holiday with you! Maybe we'll get snow!! :)

Merry Christmas to all of you! We love you!!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Angel of Thoughtfulness

So, I've been visited lately by an angel of thoughtfulness. For the last couple of days, I have found little gifts at my front doorstep. The first day was a snowman mug with a nice little note inside...."Bailey's Please!" Not Bailey's please? with a question mark, but more of a demanding "fill this mug up now!" in a really friendly font sort of way. :) Somebody knew exactly what kind of day I had had! :)

Yesterday I was sitting at the table working on a Christmas craft project (trying to find my groove) and Matt brought in a nice little white envelope with my name on it and said "now I'm getting jealous". :) Inside was a beautifully decorated magnet that read "consider yourself hugged". Done...I felt hugged! and very loved.
So....THANK YOU to my sweet little angel for your thoughtfulness and gift giving. I know this is a very busy time of year where time and money always seem to stretch a little thinner than we are comfortable with, so thank you for taking the time and energy to let me know I'm loved. I've got a mug full of hot tottie and I'm wrapped in a hug. What more could a girl need! :) (besides a bottle of advil for this migraine I've had for two days!! )
Thank you!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

How DID Stella get her groove back??

I never saw the movie, so I don't know how to do it, but I feel like I've lost my "groove" and I need to get it back. Oh, I don't think it's like I "just" lost it...I've been losing it now for a number of years. I also think I've lost my Christmas spirit too somewhere, so if you see it....will you remind me where it is. And in case you don't get a Christmas card, please don't take it personally. You see...I've lost my motivation to do anything as well.
Maybe I need to go practice those warrior poses!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Journey Rai

Well, I missed posting on Journey's actual birthday (yesterday) and was really feeling like a jerk of an auntie. I wanted to post my tribute to this angel girl.

J - joyful heart

O - old soul

U - undeniably beautiful

R - radiating peace

N - nuturer of her baby dolls :)

E - easy to love

Y -yellow ray of sunshine!

We love you Journey and can't wait to see you today at your birthday party! :)

Saturday, November 10, 2007


I don't know what's going on, but I've had this CRAZY burst of creative energy lately! It feels so good to be creating...I've already completed 3 projects since yesterday!! I feel like I'm some kind of creative super hero or the speed of light! :) I can't say that everything I've created is beautiful in the least, but it just feels good to be using my brain for something different than what it's been used for lately. Last night I kept waking up with all kinds of ideas. I really don't know where this came from but I'm welcoming it with open arms. :)
For quite a while now I've been wanting to add some new colors to my family room and kitchen palette. We've lived with black, brown and cranberry red for quite a while now. With just a little tweaking I think I could morph it into a new refreshing look by just adding a few things here and there. This photo is the color palette my heart is desiring at the moment. I think these colors are beautiful and these prints just make me feel happy! I think I really need this additional color in my life right will you hold me accountable for making this change?

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

46 XY

It was chomosomally normal. And it was a little boy. I received the test results from my doctor this morning regarding the tissue they collected from the d&c. I wasn't expecting the test results to be normal and I really wasn't prepared to know what the sex of the baby was. But I'm glad to know these things now. I've been really emotional all day. Knowing this information doesn't make the situation any more "real" because it's always been very real but it somehow causes me to feel an even deeper sense of loss. We were going to have a little boy....and I want him back.
Matt has reminded me that this is all positive information. We got pregnant. There were no abnormalities. Yes...those things are good, but what about the ache in my heart? What do I do with that? Now, more than ever, I feel like I need to do something to acknowledge this soul and to bring closure to the experience. I want to write him a letter and tell him how much he was loved and how happy I would have been to be his mom.
I just wanted to share this information with you...for whatever reason...maybe to acknowledge his existence for just a little longer before closing the door and trying to move on.

Sunday, November 4, 2007


Congratulations Mom and Uncle Ken!! You made it ~ 60 miles, 3 days, 1 cause. I am so incredibly proud of both of you and know the dedication you have given this weekend for the past year. At closing ceremonies tonight, they announced that this walk raised over 5 million dollars!! Can you imagine how the world will benefit from that?? I know this year was a bit harder than last year for you both and I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for fighting through the pain and mishaps along the way to help find a cure for this horrible disease. I have lots of pitcures to post from this weekend, but (like you :)) I'm ready for bed!! I'll post the pics tomorrow. I just wanted to say a sincere "thank you" to both of you. You truly amaze me!!
Way to go "Juanita's Kids"!!!!
P.S. Uncle Ken I hope so much that you are doing okay and feeling better. :)
Love you!!

Happy Birthday Brittni and Cory!!!!

Happy Birthday my dear sweet sisters!!! I love you so much and wish you a wonderful year full of wishes come true, happiness, peace and new adventures. You are both amazing women, friends and sisters and I don't know what I'd do without you both. You have helped me through so much and I know that you both are ALWAYS there for me. I love you and appreciate you from the bottom of my heart!

B - bravely strong
R - radiantly unique
I - irresistably entertaining
T - tenderly caring
T - there for me always
N - never gives up
I - incomplete without her family :)
C - courageous and caring
O - optimistic
R - ray of sunshine
Y - yearner of peace

You are both all of these things and I love you so much! Enjoy the last years of your twenties!! :) Happy Birthday!!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

One Day Down

Congratulations Uncle Ken and Mom!! One day down and 2 more to go. You both amaze me at your determination and stamina. I think this is a great photo of you both yesterday morning at 6:30am at the opening ceremonies. It was great to be a part of that!

Way to go!!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Some Tid Bits from New York!

We had so much fun in New York! It was so exciting to see some of the places that I've only seen in movies or pictures. The energy of the city gives you the momentum you need to keep up with the fast pace and to see all (well, almost all) there is to see! Here are a few of the places we were....

This is the entrance to our hotel. It was only about 30 feet wide, but was 33 stories high. We were on the 33rd floor. :)

This is one of the views from our room. It was really strange to look out into the windows of the office building next to us and see people going about their business. I didn't want to watch for too long. I was afraid I would see something I really didn't want to. :)

Thursday night we went and ate at John's Pizzaria. It is in an old church that was built in the late 1800's. It was beautiful inside and the pizza was delicious!! Matt had eaten here during his previous trip to NY and wanted to take me back there. I can see why ~ it was a true NY style joint! :)

This is the exterior of Grande Central station. This picture doesn't do it justice. The Chrysler building was directly in the background, but it was raining this day and the fog kept covering it up. Inside Grande Central station is truly beautiful. I felt like I had stepped back in time for a moment.

I took this picture in Central Park. It was one of my most favorite parts of the trip, because I don't remember the last time I got to walk along a path covered in autumn leaves. It was beautiful!!

This picture is of the interior of St. Patrick's Cathedral. As we were passing by we noticed the HUGE front doors had opened and we couldn't help but want to go inside this beautiful cathedral. As soon as we walked inside, my eyes welled up at this amazing site. Shrines of statues were set up all around the pews, with candles available to light with prayer. These candles were burning all around us. The magnitude of the church was amazing and for as many people who were was eerily quiet. Since I had been worried about my dad, especially that morning when I heard he had been transferred to a different room due to some issues with his heart, we decided this would be a good place to say a prayer for him and light a candle in his honor. That felt good. And as we walked by the shrine of St. Elizbeth, we couldn't help but light one there too.

This photo was taken in Central Park. Matta and I love these stone steps and thought it would be a good place to take a picture. Matt propped the camera up on the ground with our little mini tripod and finally we got a picture together! :) I thought Matt was going to break another ankle sprinting up the stairs before the camera took the picture! :)

Matt and I in Times Square after "Grease". Our hotel was only a couple of blocks from this hustle and bustle, so we got to walk almost everywhere.

We were by far the most "dressed up" people at Grease. I was really surprised at how casual most people were. We were told definitely don't where anything too fancy and not to where any type of long dress which is what I was planning on.
P.S. I know it doesn't look like it, but my dress DID come down longer than my coat!!! :)

Here is Matt with the Merrill Lynch bull. We walked all over the Financial District looking for this bull. Each time we would ask someone where it was, they'd tell us something different. I think they were feeding us a bunch of BULL! :) Anyway...we finally found it! We also saw ground zero and walked up and down Wall St. It was really interesting! We saw the building where George Washington took oath as the first president, and the New York Stock Exchange. Ground zero was really humbling and I can't wait to see the new Freedom Tower they are building in place of the Twin Towers. It's beautiful! The memorial that they have planned for this area is amazing too!

Friday during the day we walked around and found the theater where "Grease" was playing. So of course I had to get my picture taken with Max.. aka Danny (oh ya...and Laura...aka Sandy:))

During our walk on Friday, we also found Tiffany's!! :) I wanted a picture mimicking Audrey Hepburn, but the windows didn't lend themselves to that. :) So...I posed in front of the sign and just pretended I was Audrey. :)

Friday night before "Grease" we went to dinner at Bobby Flay's restaurant called "Mesa Grille". It was unbelievable!!!! Matt had pork tenderloin that melted in your mouth and I had a 16 spice encrusted chicken. Both were great!! We actually were told we had the best seat in the house. We were on the balcony and could see just about every seat as well as the kitchen and chefs. The dessert was out of this world ...of course it was chocolate!! We were having so much fun that we didn't realize we needed to get going to the show! Unfortunately it took a little while to get cab, and then the traffic was SO bad that we ended up hopping out of the cab and running the last two blocks. We were so sure we were going to be late...but we we walked in and got our seats just as the lights were going down! :)

Matt took this picture while we were up at the top of the Empire State Building. It was so windy and you really can't see any lights in this picture, but the view was unbelievable! The higher we went up the more nervous I got and when Matt opened the door to go out onto the observation deck and the wind about knocked me over, I wasn't sure I could go out there. I learned quickly that I was okay looking OUT, but not so okay looking DOWN. :) This little excursion took us 2 long hours. I would definitely recommend doing it...but maybe when it's less crowded!

On Sunday morning we took a Harbour Cruise that took us to see the famous bridges, the Statue of Liberty and the different areas of Manhattan (from the water), plus we got to see different parts of Brooklyn and New Jersey. This picture was taken from the boat as we were passing by the Financial District. I think this is such a good picture of Matt. :)

Same cruise. Matt and I in front of the Statue of Liberty. Seeing her was my favorite part of the trip I think. It was just amazing!

She stands in middle of the harbour, facing the gateway to the Atlantic Ocean. You can see all five burroughs from here. She was a bit smaller than I always imagined her to be...but not one ounce disappointing! What an amazing sight!!

Rockefeller Center. Really fun to see the ice skating rink. It wasn't open yet to skate on, but we'll go back! :)

We have a ton more photos, but I won't bore you with everything!! :) We really had so much fun! The cultural diversity that was so apparent as we walked along the streets has really touched a place in my heart. It really IS possible for us to live in peace amongst each other no matter what race, religion or financial status we come from. It was amazing to walk from block to block and hear 50 different languages....for some reason it just made me smile to be a part of that. And despite the reputation that "new yorkers" have for being rude....we never once experienced any rudeness or bad service. We packed in so much, and yet there's so much more to see....SO...when you're up for a trip to NY count me in!! :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Off to the Big Apple!

Well, tonight we leave for New York! Our plane leaves Phoenix at 12 midnight...we arrive Chicago after about 3.5 hours, have a 1 hour layover and then on for another 2.5 hours to arrive in New York around 9:30am. Yikes...I already feel tired! :)
I'm really excited for the trip, however travelling always brings about anxiety for my dad's in the hospital and I'm the type of person who likes to be accessible for whatever the situation might need from me. Even though there're really nothing I can do, not being here is turning out to be a bit hard for me. (it's a personal issue I need to deal with...I know! :) And then there's the actual flying...I can't even think about it or my palms start to sweat. Thank goodness for Dramamine!! Once we get there, I know everything will be fine...thinking about all that is ahead of us is really exciting...5th ave., times square, central park, rockefeller center, broadway, empire state building, harbor cruise, ground zero, statue of liberty (I thought about seeing the statue of liberty this morning on my way into work and started crying...a bit emotional maybe??), delicious restaurants!! It's so exciting to be seeing a part of our country that I've never seen before. I can't wait to soak it all in.
So until we're home again on Sunday...I'll be missing you, loving you and hope that all of you have a wonderful week!
P.S. Take good care of dad!! :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Today I'm thankful that I was able to go to bed last night knowing that my dad was okay and that his surgery went well. Each step is one step closer to better health and that's the goal. There's a quote that often goes through my mind at times like these. I don't remember the words exactly but the point of it is that the right path through our journey is typically not the one that takes you around the issue, but the one that takes you through it. The path through it is most often more difficult, but it's the one that gets us where we need to be. I'm just so thankful for my dad and for his courage to to walk right through the middle of this difficult situation. I pray the other side brings you happiness and abundant health! I love you dad!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Hizzle Bizzle ma Sizzle!!!

Happy Birthday Cassie! I hope you have a wonderful day full of lots of fun, laughter, love and happiness. I wish we could be there to share it with you. I can't believe you're 31 ~ yikes!! How old does that make me????
You are a very special person in my life and I'm so blessed to call you sister. I wish so much that we were closer in distance, but I'm so thankful we both make an effort to stay close no matter what. I love you so much and wish you the happiest of birthdays!
C ~ courageous woman
A ~ assertively graceful
S ~ sweet sister
S ~ seeker of knowledge
I ~ intelligently beautiful
E ~ enthusiastic teacher (in many realms)

I Love you!!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


I found this card by Maya Angelou a long time ago when I felt like our family was going through a rough time. I never quite found the right moment to share it with everyone, but I came across it again and really felt the urge to share the message with you all now.

"Families are held together by choice. Members are alike and unalike, yet there is comfort in the sameness and excitement in the differences. When we respect and relish both conditions, we can call ourselves family. Loving, giving, doing everything we can to work through things ~ that is what our family does, and I am grateful to be a part of it. "

Life isn't promised to be easy, but I thank God everyday that I was blessed with a family who stands by each other, supports each other, encourages each other, is committed to each other and respects each other. I celebrate our differences and feel comforted by our similarities and I find strength every day in knowing you are there.
Thank you and I love you!

Friday, October 5, 2007

Moving Forward

Hi ~ I just wanted to give an update to those of you who have so diligently supported us and encouraged us through one of the most difficult parts of our journey so far. (you know who you are :)) and we are so thankful for you.
Tuesday I went into Piper Surgery Center for my d&c. I was very mentally unprepared for this procedure, since I didn't know it was going to happen until Monday. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around "the end" and it put me into somewhat of an irritable tailspin Monday evening. Poor Matt and anyone else I spoke to that night.
They use general anesthesia, which my body does not respond well to, so I was fairly sick Tuesday and Wednesday. I went to work on Thursday and I think that evening driving home is when it hit's over. And I started crying...finally. Today I feel a little better...still the lingering headache and dizziness, but everyday gets a little better. It feels strange to just go about my life these days...the last few weeks have been so full of so much emotion, both good and bad. Shouldn't there be some sort of mourning period, or quiet ceremony to acknowledge the existence of a little soul even for the short time it was with us??
I asked Matt last night, how he gets through it...what does he tell himself that carries him through? He told me that he still has hope...that he never loses his hope amongst the sadness. So, that's what I'm choosing to do...maintain hope. I'm looking forward to the good things coming up....the smells of Fall...our first trip to New York!...supporting my mom in her 3-Day Cancer walk...celebrating birthdays...holidays with family....the spirit of Christmas...and new beginnings. All the while, maintaining hope. I know it won't be easy, but as they say "don't pray for an easy life...pray to be a strong person". And every night I pray for strength because I've learned that life is not, nor will ever be, easy. May we all have the strength to fight our battles.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Endings and Beginnings

Our appointment this morning confirmed the worst...the baby has for sure stopped growing and the pregnancy is over, almost. We wait for the miscarriage to happen. It should happen within the next 2 weeks, if not they will need to do a d&c. I'm hoping for it to happen the natural way. We feel so sad and angry and yet...numb at the same time. I never knew I could love something so much that was only with me for such a short time. In that short time ~ it was so big to held so much potential and brought me so much happiness. A happiness I had never know before. My life has been forever changed by its existence, no matter how short it was. We always hear that with one ending comes a new beginning. Well I'm proud to say that today was also a glorious day! Brittni and Cory welcomed baby Wyatt into this world at 3:44 this afternoon! He's beautiful and everyone is doing really well. He weighed 8lbs. 4 oz and was 21 inches long. What an amazing miracle to witness. When it all comes down to it, I just feel so truly blessed to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends and to feel the love abounding all around. It's a good day to be alive.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Devastation Hits

This is the last post I ever wanted to be writing, but I just need to get it over with. I had another u/s this morning and it looks like our little baby has stopped growing. My Dr. could not see a fetal pole and the gestational sac was smaller than it was on Friday. Matt and I can hardly grasp what is happening and just feel completely devastated. I was certainly not anticipating getting this news today at all. I've been instructed to continue my meds and was scheduled for another u/s on Monday. However, I was also given direction on what to do if the m/c happens before then. I know this is really wishful thinking and a long shot from actually happening, but if you believe in the power of prayer and miracles...will you continue praying for us? We're just not quite ready to let go of this I'm sure you can understand.
Thanks for all of your support~

Friday, September 14, 2007

Last Beta Test and a little suprise!!

Yay!! Today was the last beta test (my veins are thankful). Our number came back at 2568 that's good. Everything is moving in the right direction. :) We LOVE that!! My RE also surprised me with wanting to do an ultrasound!! He warned me that it's VERY early and that chances are we might not see anything, but he just wanted to take a look. And then...clear as day there it was!!! (yes, just one :)) I was so disappointed that Matt wasn't there, but I had okayed it with him prior. He'll be there at the next one to hear the heart flutter. :) I started crying, then my nurse started crying. I really have the most wonderful doctor and nurse that anyone could ask for going through this process. That makes such a huge difference! So I got to see the gestational sac and yolk ~ amazing! I also got to bring home pictures for Matt. It's becoming so much more real ~ so much more scarey.
I go back on Wed. of next week for another ultrasound to check on things again. I don't know if that's for Dr. Z's peace of mind or mine...but we'll see how things are progressing anyway! :) celebrate more good news!!!! :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Progress is Good

So, I think my expectations for today were a little high since we had such a jump on Monday. :) It was still good news...1405. I was expecting around 1600, but we were told that our number today was still very good. Since it's not over 1500 yet, I have to go back in on Friday morning for another blood test. Hopefully that one will be the last one.
I was trying so hard not to get "too attached" (ya, right) to this beautiful thing that has happened to us. But, there is no hope for that anymore...I'm officially attached. My heart wants this so bad...I just pray so much that in May we get to welcome a little one into our family. Please continue to pray for us ~ we appreciate you all so much and the support you provide for us without even realizing it. I'll post again on Friday to give you another update. :)

Monday, September 10, 2007

Today Is Another Good Day

I went in this morning for more bloodwork to test the HcG levels in my system. We were nervous since you never know what more tests will bring. Since our initial number was 146 and that number needs to double every 48 hours, I was hoping to see numbers around 584ish. Well, the nurse called me back and today our level was at 811! A VERY good strong number again. We coudn't be happier with this news and just pray that things continue rising and growing. We appreciate your support and prayers so much! My next appt. is Wed. morning to do another blood test. If all goes well with that will be our last beta test. :)
We love you!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Miracles Do Happen!

I just know it was the overwhelming number of prayers that God has been unindated with lately that He finally said "OK"!!! Today we received the best news we could ever hear and the first sign of a positive pregnancy test that we've ever had! I went in this morning to have blood drawn and tested and they test the HCg levels in the blood. To be considered a positive number, it had to be above 50...our number was 146. So that's a good solid number! I go back in on Monday to have my blood retested to make sure the the numbers are doubling as they should. We have no idea what lies ahead of's still SO early, but for today....we're undescribably (is that a word?) happy! We're completely in shock and just keep looking at each other saying "can you believe this??". I've heard "no" so many times, that I'm not sure my mind knows how to process "yes". :) Hopefully we will have the opportunity to really let it sink in and really feel it. Right now it just seems surreal.
THANK YOU to everyone who has encouraged us, supported us and prayed for us. We are incredibly blessed to have you all and would not be where we are without you. Please don't stop praying :) we still need those prayers for continued growth and health. For today....we rejoice and celebrate this wonderful miracle we've been given!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

One to Freeze

Hi! The embryologist called and we had one she was able to freeze today. :) I guess this is good news since I wasn't anticipating having any. She said this was good news and felt really confident in the two we transfered yesterday. Man, there's a lot of pressure on these little guys ~ I'll try and bear some of that for them. :) I asked her about the fact that we lost so many between days 3 and 5 and asked if they just start to "sputter out" and quit dividing. She explained that for the first 3 days of their existence they are actually kind of "battery" operated by the sperm. The sperm are giving the embryos their energy. After day 3, the embryos are running off of their own generated energy. I don't know if this has to do with the development of mitochondria in the cells and therefore generating their own energy or what, but that helped me understand a little better. She said that they only expect to see about 50% survival rate of those working off of their own generated energy. This is all so fascinating isn't it! :) So...all in all that leaves us with one little frostie. :)

These are the photos that Matt took with his cell phone, so they're a bit hard to see. I had brought the camera, but left it in the car. :( The ones of Matt and I and just me by myself sitting are pre-transfer...waiting to go into the operating room. The embryos are highly sensitive to smell, so this is us lotion free, deoderant free, makeup free, product free, etc. :) The one of me lying down is post-transfer where they have me in the recovery room and my bed is tilted back (I feel like I'm standing on my head). They do this to help take the pressure off of the full bladder since you have to lay there for another 30 minutes after transfer. (I think they do it just to torture you a little bit more! )

Oh...we also got Athena back today after her 2 1/2 week stay in the auto hospital!! :) For those of you thinking, "huh?" I was in an accident on the freeway a couple of weeks ago (not my fault), and poor little Atty had to be towed. She was in pretty rough shape, but today...she looks beautiful and I'm happy to have my Greek warrior goddess of protection parked back in my garage! :)

And now we have 2...

Hi! The transfer yesterday went well. I went and had acupuncture prior and was able to just lay there and relax for an hour, which was nice. I had to take my valium and start drinking 24oz. of water an hour before the procedure. By the time we got the the RE's office I was flying high with a FULL bladder! :) The embryologist came in and told us that we only had 2 blastocycts that were ready for transfer. She wasn't sure we would even have any to freeze...we'll find that out today. All of this information was a bit discouraging at the moment since we were thinking SO positively going into it. How does it go from 10 excellent/good embryos to 2 good blasts?? Anyway...I had to keep in mind that 2 is better than none! :) We've always had 3 in the I hope these little ones are fighters! So, now that "everyone" is home I'm on bedrest for 2 days....lots of time to study for my final! :)
We were given pictures of our 2 little blasts and if I can say so myself...they look absolutely perfect. :) We also took a couple of pictures, so I will post those when I can. :)
Love you all ~

Monday, August 27, 2007


Hi! We were told that our transfer will be Tuesday at 1:30pm. So, hopefully we will still have good news when we go in tomorrow. We won't hear anything today since they don't check on them on day 4 (don't really know why).
All of your supportive wishes and prayers have been greatly appreciated...please don't stop. :) It seems that the power of positive thinking (from everyone) is creating this great energy in which these little embryos are flourishing. It's so strange to feel so protective over something you've never seen or met ~ but I feel like I want to go into that lab and just encourage those little guys and gals to keep up the good fight...that it will be worth it becaue they will be loved SO much! I would tell them about the incredible circle of family and friends who would welcome them and provide them with more love and care than they could ever imagine.
Thank you for your support and encouragement ~ the last cycle we went through we kept as a secret and it was SO hard not to have my family to talk to. (poor Matt could only listen so much :)) It has been wonderful having you all to share it with this time and depending on the results of this whole thing...I know you'll be there for us then too. To either help pick us up off the floor or celebrate with us as we fly. :)
I love you all ~

Sunday, August 26, 2007

And The Good News Just Keeps on Coming!

I just got another call from our embryologist and today we have...
5 excellent quality embryos!
5 good quality embryos!
2 average
and 3 poor.
SO...two more of our little embryos are fighting their way to the top! :)
Yeah!! my hopes are officially "up".

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Unexpected Call...

Well, this morning I heard the phone ringing and when I saw it was my Dr.'s office, I almost didn't answer the call. There would only be two reasons they were calling today instead of tomorrow when they said they would. One, I have to come in for a 3-day transfer because we were losing too many, or two, there were none left to transfer. I mustered up the courage to answer the phone choking back the tears that were already forming. BUT instead of bad news, the embryologist was just "checking in" on all our embryos and wanted to call and let me know how things were going. Little does he know he about gave me a heartattack! SO...I got the following report today...
We still have 15 embryos!!
We have 4 excellent quality, 4 good quality, 4 average quality and 3 poor quality. :) This is good news!
Just wanted to let you know :)

Friday, August 24, 2007

My little sleeping partner...if this isn't the cutest thing.... :)
Well, we got our fertilization report this morning and it looks like they did ICSI on 19 of the eggs. Out of those 19, 15 fertilized. So, we are now the proud parents of 15 embryos. :) I'm staying cautiously optimistic since this is right around what we've had for the last two IVF cycles...and we all know how those turned out. We were told that we won't hear anything more until Sunday. Our transfer could be on Sunday (if it looks like we're losing too many to wait until a 5-day transfer), or Tuesday if they continue looking strong and healthy. Fortunately I have a BIO final to study for in the meantime, otherwise I might be pacing! :) Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. They are truly appreciated. :)

Thursday, August 23, 2007

A Baker's dozen x 2 +1 ====

27 eggs! :) I'm still a bit groggy so bear with me...
We had our ER (egg retrieval) this morning and my poor little ovaries produced 27 eggs. Ouch!
I've been pretty uncomfortable now for a few days and now I know why. :) Our RE decided to do ICSI (introcytoplasmic sperm injection) on all of the mature ones. We will get our fertilization report sometime tomorrow. Since they have to use anesthesia to retrieve the eggs, I've been out pretty much all day. Just thought I'd pop on the computer to give an update.
Hope you're all having a wonderful day ~ now...back to dreamland for me.

Monday, August 13, 2007

First blog ever by Matt

I decided since a lot of the people who read Jamie’s blog also donated to my bike ride this year, I would provide a quick update here…This is the 2nd year that I rode my bicycle for the American Diabetes Association. Last year my brother Eric, niece Samantha, and myself, completed the Ride. This year, due to an injury, just my brother and I rode. Since we were riding a bit further this year, we decided to rent Road Bikes instead of using our Mountain Bikes like we did last year. All I can say is it makes a world of difference. The bike itself probably weighed as much as my mountain bike’s back wheel alone, which made the hills a tad easier.

The ride is called the Summit to Surf and takes place in Oregon. The route follows highway 26 on Mt. Hood and ends down in Hood River. We started just outside of Welches, Oregon at about 1500 feet and rode about 24 miles to the top of Bennett Pass which is at about 5700 feet. That, by far, was the toughest part of the 52 mile trip. The rest of the ride has some nice downhill sections that are both breathtaking and fast. The majority of the ride is through tall pine tree lined roads and as you come down off the mountain you pass vineyards, farms, apple orchards and from several locations you can see the Summit of Timberline behind you. We finished with all our parts attached (lost a pedal last year) and even had my Mom and Samantha to congratulate us at the finish line.

Our team goal was $500.00 and I’m happy to say we surpassed that with $630.00 in total donations. The Ride itself was able to raise over $300,000 for the fight against Diabetes. All in all we had a great time and I am already looking forward to this ride next year and hopefully a couple of others before then.

It is always fun to spend this time with my brother and nice to see my family too. Thank you to everyone who supported us in this Ride and for helping make it a success.

Friday, August 10, 2007

I've been tagged....great.

I guess I'm supposed to come up with 7 random bits of information about myself. It's been a few days since I've been tagged and I haven't been able to think of anything very exciting....that's a little depressing. So it is...7 not so interesting tid bits about me. :)

1. In 6th grade a won a 1st place ribbon and Best In Show for the whole Jr. High for my science fair project about plant growth. I got to take it to state competition in St. Johns (?) and ended up placing 3rd there. :)
2. I LOVE to organize things...anything.
3. I have always wished I had gone into theater / drama. I would LOVE to perform on Broadway. (Chicago, Caberet, Cats, Grease, oohh I love it!)
4. I get dileriously high on excitement in paper and fabric stores, but always end up leaving empty handed because I can't figure out what to do with everything!
5. I'm very sentimental. I love the nostalgia of old things passed down or knowing the story behind the object.
6. I'm deeply affected by my environment. I need to feel that my surroundings at home reflect my inner self. I am happiest when I'm surrounded by things / nature that feeds my soul and is a reflection of who I am. I feel very stifled when it doesn't.
7. I would LOVE to own a "you pick" flower market where I could have fields of wonderful flowers year round for people to pick bouquets from. This would fall in line with my enjoyment of working in my yard. (Except it's really hard to do at this time of the year here.).

Okay....Beth, you're tagged. :)

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Isn't this Beautiful!

Matt took these photos a few nights ago and I just think they are beautiful. I don't know what I will do when we live in a house where I can't watch the sun set every evening.

Camping Trip 2007

I thought I would just add some pictures from our camping trip this past weekend to Hawley lake. It was wonderful as it is every year. :) I'd like to thank everyone who had to put up with Molly's whining, barking, howling, jumping,fighting. etc. She really is a little lovebug and she promises to get her manners under control before our next outing. :)
I thought you might use this as a reminder that even though you're not still up enjoying the mountains, at least you aren't listening to this anymore.. :)

Here's Tia and Journey Rai...just hanging having a good time.

Here are the girls posing for one last pic!

And the boys!

Next time we'll have to make sure the WHOLE group is in the picture. We're missing the Grove clan. :(

Bye Hawley Lake!! We'll see you again next year! :)

Pomegranite Thread - #814 DMC

Many of us know people or are people who have struggled with conceiving or maintaining pregnancies. Over the last six and a half years when I see pregnant women, I often wonder "was it easy for them or did they struggle through their process just as I have". I've often wished for some secret nod or look or something that would indicate the connection that we may have. Well, obviously many other women who are a part of this community have felt the same way. There is a subtle movement in place that will help open communication within the fertility challenged community and awareness to those outside of it. This movement is to purchase Pomegranite Thread #814 DMC (embroidery thread), braid it and tie it around your right wrist. Through this, women can better support each other through this emotional journey and others, inquiring as to it's meaning, will become more aware of the struggle that affects 1 in 8 couples. Just wanted to share this with you.

For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile...there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It's rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles. The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or secondary infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility. Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware. Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-coloured thread #814 by DMC . Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others.
Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.In addition, the seeds represent the multitude of ways one can build their family: natural conception, treatments, adoption, third-party reproduction, or even choosing to live child-free.The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility. Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.

I had a request for some information as to where this started. Here is the website:
Thanks! :)

Friday, July 27, 2007

Happy Birthday to Matt!

Happy 37th Birthday to my wonderful husband! You bring so much happiness and joy to my life and all of those around you. Thank you for your gentle spirit and loving heart. You make my life complete and I love you without end! Enjoy your day knowing how incredibly special you are. Happy Birthday!!! :)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I need to breathe...

Do you ever feel like you just want to shout out to the world "STOP"!, just STOP!...and ...let me breathe... I do. I've been feeling like that a lot lately. We all deal with personal tragedies. Some more often than others, but I feel so frustrated by the way society just expects us to keep on going. Put on a happy face and just keep on going. Well, some days I just don't want to, yet I go about my day...smiling...laughing (haha) if I care about anything other than my miserable internal dibilitating battle over acceptance and downright bitter resentment. The weight of this battle is sometimes unbearable. Yet, does this chaotic world we live in ever give us time to grieve our losses? find peace within our tragedies? nurture our sometimes dying souls? give us time to find the happiness within our hearts again? Where does a person go to just "get away"????? Expectations are everywhere. Responsibilities are...everywhere. Sometimes I just want to call a "time out". Let Jamie find her sense of balance again. Try to make sense of and find peace in the possibility of a dying dream. How is that possible when there's work, school, cleaning, trying to eat "right", doctors appts., dogs, cats, yards, etc. and in the midst of it you don't have the energy to do any of it. Pretty soon another year has gone by and you're another year older and you wonder what you've learned...what you've experienced...what more your life has become about...and you can't think of anything. "Life" just seems to wisk us away...I want to know the key to slowing it down....I need to bbrreeaatthhee. Please world...just let me breathe.
(I'm really okay ~ just sad right now and need to get it out). :) Thanks for letting me breathe for 2 seconds.

Friday, June 8, 2007

The Battle is Over

I fought the Algebra class and the Algebra class won! I dropped the class after spending over an hour on 2 sections of one problem. BUT, I re-registered for the same algebra class at a different college which has a much more traditional approach to teaching ~ one that I'm used to! :) I start that the beginning of July. What a great way to spend my birthday week. :) I feel like a load has been lifted from my shoulders. I was talking to Cassie and I told her I didn't want to feel like I was "quitting" or "giving up" so I tried to stick it out as long as I could. She told me that there's a difference between quitting and making a decision that is in my best interest. She's such a smart teacher! :) Now...after a week of no Algebra hell...I know this decision was definitely in my best interest!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Catching you up :)

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the life has consumed me and left me with little time and zero creativity. :) But, it's okay ~ it's all been good!

First off, I'd like to re-introduce you to my snail vine who, if you remember just a couple months ago, was a stem with two leaves. Amazing isn't it?? Everday I look out my kitchen window and there she is, growing like crazy and producing her beautiful purple fruit! She makes me happy. (I'll post the picture when Matt gets home and reminds me how to do it. :)

I've had this idea for a couple of years now, that if only I had some roller skates I could get my exercise and give Molly the exercise she so desperately needs as well (without jogging). I didn't want roller blades...I wanted roller SKATES because, from my very vivid memory, I was a total pro on them! Well, a couple of months ago we found some at Big 5 that were very reasonable and my sweet husband surprised me with them when I got home from work one day. Little did he know at the time he had potentially served me my death sentence! :) I imagined Molly and I gliding down the sidewalk (me, in total control of course) getting our much needed exercise. So, one evening Molly and I set out for this wonderful adventure. If anyone knows Molly ~ you know exactly where I'm headed with this. Once she realized I moved just as fast as she did (and wasn't quite the pro I remembered being!) she took off with me in tow!! This was the first time in a long time when I was seriously scared of what might happen. My life began to flash before my eyes and I was trying to figure out how I would ever stop as I felt myself being dragged along down the street at top speed! All I remember is that I saw a light pole out of the corner of my eye and reach out with one arm to grab it. I ended up wrapped around this light pole on my knees in the rocks. Not quite the adventure I had in mind! I was so thankful to be stopped, but at the same time wondering who of our neighbors had witnessed this episode and are now peeing their pants because they're laughing so hard! (by the way no one has mentioned it...yet). You would think that after this I would take Molly home...well, if I weren't so determined to make this work, the answer would have been "yes", but no....I (like a hard-headed idiot) decide to keep going. As we make the bend around the back side of our house, Matt is standing out there with camera as Molly is still taking me for a ride. NICE! (I won't even go into what has taken place since the light pole incident). Well, straight ahead on the sidewalk, guess what......DUCKS! Whoa!!!! There we went again!! By the time we got home I had literally 1/2 of one of my stoppers completely worn off! Needless to say, since then my skates have sat in my closet and Molly and I are still in desparate need of exercise...maybe just something a little less life-threatening! :)

In the beginning of May Matt's parents came to see us for a couple of days. We had a lot of fun cruising Canyon Lake on the Dolly sternwheeler. We saw lots of mountain goats and really pretty rock formations. During their stay we also checked out Gila Mountain Casino for the first time. I tried to make $2o bucks last two hours and actually succeeded! Although I lost it all in the end. I think Duke and Diane both came out ahead. They are the pros ~ I should have taken some notes! :) We also went to Cracker Barrel (Diane's favorite restaurant) to celebrate Mother's Day a week early. As always it was wonderful! We really appreciated them coming to see us ~ are house is always welcome to anyone who wants to come visit! :)

In addition to working, I have also started some classes again in continuation of pursuing my nursing degree. If all comes together as planned, I should be able to apply in the Fall. Yeah!! I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology which I love and College Algebra which I don't love at all. In fact, I think it's my worst enemy right now and I'm trying to figure out how to embrace it instead of fight it! Any tips??

As always and continually for the last 6 years, Matt and I hope and pray to be blessed with children some day. It's been such a joy watching all of the new life be born into our families. I couldn't possibly love my nieces and nephews any more, but it's also hard feeling like something that is so much a part of nature and so easy for other people is something that has turned my world upside down and continues to do so on a daily basis. It's not something I ever forget or stop thinking about. Although this past mother's day (which is always one of the most difficult days of the year) I wasn't sure I would be able to spend with my family. It would be the first year that I would be the only woman at the celebration that would not be a mom. And I had began trying long before any of them where even married or thinking about conceiving. (besides my mother. :). As the days drew nearer and I had told my family that Matt and I would probably just do something on our own (which they completely understood ~ by the way I have a very wonderful support team! Although they could never understand what Matt and I go through, they are always willing to try and understand our needs and support us in every endeavor we pursue! Thank you!) I began to feel that the desire to see my niece and nephews and spend time with my family was greater than the fear of what that experience would do to my heart. I thought that this, for me, was such a wonderful sign of internal and spiritual growth and trying to trust in this journey. I have never felt that desire before and I was so thankful to be able to enjoy the day. It was a great day! So I just continue to try and nurture my soul, be thankful for what I do have, make plans and dreams for the future and know that I am where I am because that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. It's easier said than done, but hey....everything worth something is worth the work right! :)
In what ways to do nurture your soul? Do you want to share ideas? :)

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Pure Gratitude

I've been reminded once again that the people around me that I call my family and friends are not to be taken for granted. It has been brought to the forefront of my mind and heart over the last few days how incredibly fortunate I am to be a part of such a loving, giving and caring group of people. I read the heartfelt sincerity in the anguish and sorrow each one of you are feeling over the tragedy at Virginia Tech and I feel so blessed to live amongst people who have such compassion for human kindness and who understand the depth of it's value in our society. I'm so grateful for the examples in my life that have encouraged this mindset and try each day to live in such a way that is reflective of this compassion and quest for justice. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderful people in my life and want to remind each of you that I love you and am so blessed for your presence in my life. You are all lights unto this world and I'm proud to call you family and friends.
"Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity." Buddha

Thursday, April 12, 2007


From the depths of abuse and torture ~ confined for more than 15 years to the elements of "life" in a hot dusty garage...lost beneath the mounds of items too treasured to part wooden rocking horse that my dad crafted for me during my toddler years was resurrected! It certainly got it's share of use and abuse when I was young, but when I was in high school a couple of my sister's friends were messing around on it and my poor little horse's head and neck were splintered down the middle. I remember shedding some tears over this treasure of mine that I knew would never be the same. I was angry at those stupid boys! I was especially sad because it was something my dad had so tenderly made for me ~ there was love involved.
As always life went on, I moved away from home and in the meantime my family moved to another state. It was many years later, as I was rumaging through their garage that I saw my old rocking horse again (surprised for some reason that it was still around). All of the old feelings of sorrow came rushing back. How I wished it were whole, how I wished that those boys hadn't ruined my horse, so that maybe ~ someday~ it could be passed on to my children to enjoy as much as I had. I remember expressing this to my dad and a few months later , much to my surprise, he told me that he was pretty sure we could bring this horse back into existence. He had a plan for it. I was thrilled!!
Well, he had also started a tradition of crafting cradles and toy boxes for his grandchildren. So, if you're at all familiar with the rate at which my sisters are having babies you can imagine how long my poor little horse has taken a back seat! But I would see the improvements that were being made...slowly but surely. Well, it was getting really close to being completed a few months ago when Brittni announced she was pregnant ~ I figured once again the cradle would take priority over my horse...not that I was really in any rush to get it. But my dad suprised me a few weeks ago when he took me out into the garage and there it was...exactly as I had remembered it (except much sturdier!) All I could do was cry, becasue it was perfect and it meant so much to me that my dad took the time and energy to re-create this special gift for me. He put in so much hard work and creativity to ensure that it was even better than before. He sanded the stain down for hours and hours, just to re-stain it the same color it was 30 years ago. Now, because of his willingness to give me back this treasure, I will be able to see the joy in my children as they "ride it away into the sunset". So here it all it's glory ~ resurrected! Isn't it beautiful!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Always there ...

I wanted to share something with anyone out there who might need to be reminded of this as much as I did. Last Sunday Matt and I attended an absolutely wonderful church service. It was the first time we had been there and both of us were completely drawn in by the amazing art, music and message. We were truly surrounded by beauty. It's a fairly small congregation which we love and the craftsman style church just bellows "home". Who knows if this church will become our place of choice (it certainly seems to be now), but no matter what ~ it was just what my heart needed that day. The pastor spoke about many things, but one thing in particular has stayed on my mind. He simply reminded us of the fact that God never promises us that life will be easy, that we won't have addictions, that we won't face immense struggles, that our hearts won't be broken, that loved ones won't leave us, or that we won't feel pain....but He does promise that no matter what, He will always be with us through everything. I know this ~ I've heard it before, but it felt SO good to hear it again and to be reminded that no matter what, I have someone to comfort me, to heal my sorrow, and give my burdens to. It reminded me of something Diane told me about one time. She had read a book that made this concept very clear. A father walking beside his daughter....he couldn't manage where she stepped or if she stumbled and fell, but what he could do was make sure he was there to to pick her up, wipe her off and dry her tears. This is what God does for us ~ and for that I feel truly blessed and thankful.
"The Lord goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Happy Birthday Jessa-mini-turkeyskin!

Happy 26th Birthday to my youngest little sister! Wow, how time does fly ~ I remember you looking just like Asher (with crazier hair) just like it was yesterday!
I wanted to let you know how much I love you and that you are a beautiful person inside and out! Anyone who knows you ~ knows how truly blessed they are to call you "friend"...and especially "sister". :)

J = juggler of desires
E = earnest seeker of truth
S = sincerely devoted
S = sister of many
A = advocate of her heart
M = mother of children
Y = yearner of peace
N = nurturer of the soul

I love you and wish you a beautiful day full of happy moments and long lasting memories!
Happy Birthday my dear sister!
Love ~ Jamie

Friday, March 16, 2007

New Beginnngs

Fewer things, at this point in my life, bring me greater joy than seeing the promise of new growth in my yard. After our really harsh freeze this winter, I was sure nothing was coming back to us. Everything looked dried to a crisp...barren...dead. I was heartbroken. In this dry desert environment, I took great refuge in the growing sanctuary of greenery beginning to expand over our backyard (and frontyard for that matter). All was lost...all of our hard work and nurturing...all for nothing. Not to mention the cost involved in replanting everything. I really was really affected me. It is true...some things were lost, but how wrong I was not to have faith that beneath the "dead", "unfruitful" facade were so many new beginnings.
I started trimming back a (what was) huge purple snail vine, expecting once I got to the root I would just be able to pull it out, but...once I got all of the dead branches out of the way I looked in amazement and what was underneath. At the very center of the base, about two inches high, was a single green stem and some green leaves. It was alive and struggling with all it's might to be fruitful. I was thinking to myself, "What if I would have just given up on this vine, not thinking that beneath all of that dead mangled mess was the possibility of life, and just yanked it out." This was one of my most loved vines and I almost ruined it because of what I saw on the outside. This thought caused me to reflect a little on my own life. That possibly, beneath the mangled ideas of "unfruitfulness" and twisted words of discouragement, with a little self care and nurturing, lies the miracle of life. "Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie". (Shakespeare)
Hope you have an inspired day!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Olive Mill

A couple of months ago I discovered that I like an Extra Dirty Martini...let me re-phrase that...I discovered that I LOVE the Extra Dirty Martini! :) I've always been a fan of green olives. My mouth literally begins to salivate at the mere thought of twisting the top off of an olive jar and popping the salty, bitter, tangy morsel in my mouth. Yep...there it goes! :) So, when Matt proposed going to The Olive Mill out in Queen Creek for a tour on Saturday, I was more than a willing partner. Test tasting olives for free! What could be better than that?? Well, it definitely wasn't the "tour". :) However, we were very well educated as to the top reasons we should buy extra virgin olive oil above anything else. It's amazing to me that they can actually squeeze oil out of an olive. I mean, think about it...oil out of an olive! In the retail area they had everything you could possibly think of to make out of an olive, and probably more! Our selections were...of course...extra virgin olive oil (the kind I can use in baking), some olive based chapstick :) (pink grapefruit flavored), spanish olive Tepanade, and Jalepeno Mexican Spice stuffed olives. In case you're wondering...yes, my mouth is watering. :) As interesting as it was, as much as I enjoyed tasting all the yummy free samples, and as enjoyable as my partner was, I probably won't rush back anytime too soon. Well, except as soon as my jar of Jalepeno Mexican Spice stuffed olives runs dry! :)

Saturday, March 10, 2007

It's a Ducky Day!

What a joy to wake up to ducks in our pool! :) We watched them for nearly 1/2 an hour as they paddled around, ducking their heads under to splash water on their backs. They got in, got out, got back in, and for the most part the Mallard hen was copying everything the drake did. I found it fascinating to watch them. I knew from being at the park a few weeks ago that it was definitely mating season. As they got out of the pool for the last time, it seemed very obvious that they were looking for somewhere to nest and that this was the drake who had "conquered them all". I was glad to see that he was doing all the work, looking for the perfect haven for her, paddling around so that she would just be swept in his current and didn't have to use much energy. Due to the violent and brutal mating rituals ducks exhibit, I was surprised he had even stayed around...or that she kept him around for that matter! But...who am I to judge. She had obviously forgiven him so I decided not to hold it against him either. Secretly I hoped that our environment would be just what they were looking for, but since the harsh freeze this year our yard is anything but lush. He searched and searched, but nothing was good enough for his queen. They flew away without another thought and I can't help but feel that I somehow let them down.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Our Daily Treasures...

Welcome friends and family to our "normal" life. I first thought "I can't start a blog...what do I do or have that people would be interested in reading about? I don't have children, I don't take elaborate vacations or go on wild adventures, I don't have an exciting career or fabulous shoes! What's so exciting about my life? We just live a normal life, in a normal house, with normal jobs, and normal adventures." Then I thought of one of my favorite quotes..."Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure that you are...". And I thought how fun it would be to share our normal day treasures with the people that we love the most...our family and friends. So....welcome to our treasures... they may be "normal" (really, by what standard is normal anyway?), but they are ours. Hope you enjoy! :)

Meet the Feigner household...

Matt ~ When I met Matt, my soul reveled in the happiness it felt in meeting it's mate. He is my rock, my partner, my very best friend, the person I could never live without and the love of my life. Somehow in the craziness of life and unpredictability, he is constant. His love is unconditional and real. It's such a wonderful feeling knowing that I am traveling through this life with the person I was designed to travel with. It brings to mind the quote " Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. " Through the normal ups and downs of married life and through the personal struggles we have faced, I know we have made it through them because we are friends and because we walk the journey together. This, in large part, is due to the respect, dedication and committment Matt provides to his daily life. Not only to me and his family, but to everyone he comes into contact with. You can't meet Matt and not know that he is a genuine, good hearted and sincere person. Yes...he's a bit of a goofball who thinks he's really funny (he actually is sometimes, but we'll never tell him that. :) He also has a few dance moves that will put you into hysterics. But that's a very rare sighting, unless it's late at night and one of his (un-named) sister-in-laws coerces him into it...... :) I'm sure that's an image she wishes she could erase from memory! He's also very protective of his morning routines. Whatever you do don't mess with his coffee and more importantly DO NOT touch his newspaper unless he's designated a pile that you CAN touch. :) That's okay...who he is, is exactly why I love him! I am so incredibly blessed to share my life with him and to be trusted enough for him to share his with me. He is a wonderful husband and he will one day be an incredible father. I love him so....
Jamie ~ "I am a crazy girl who loves to dance!". This is how I described myself in a 6th grade essay. If only it were that simple! Yes, I'm still a crazy girl who loves to dance, but oh, I'm so much more...
I'm sure my complex self cannot be put into a "nutshell", but I will try to make it short and sweet. :) I feel that due to my many circumstantial life events I have found myself devoid of passion and purpose...longing to find sanctuary within myself and my life. I happened upon a book by a wonderful author who wrote these words: "When we find ourselves devoid of passion and purpose, the first thing we need to do is stop. But that's not easy. The rest of the world is zooming by at full speed. Left alone with ourselves, we can become nervous and self-critical about what we should be doing and feeling. This can be so uncomfortable that we look for any distraction rather than allowing ourselves the space to be as we are." After attending a retreat I had the opportunity of experiencing last month, I was enlightened to an alternate perception on life....accepting it for what it is and where I am in it. This was no new message to me, but for some reason during the retreat I heard it in a new way. A way in which I actually felt that place in my heart. trying to put that feeling into practice, the following words are my new life mantra: "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching on fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open in me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as a seed goes to the next as a blossom, and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit." (another wonderful author) May we all leave this world knowing our life was truly lived!
Tantrum ~ He's referred to as "T" around our house or as he likes to be called "T-dawg". He runs the show and Miss Molly is right in line with the rest of us. She avoids eye contact with him at all costs just to show her "respect" for her elders. (haha ~ she's really just a little chicken). Anyway..."T" has been with us for about 7.5 years. He's the most loving kitty you could ever want. He holds a very special place in my heart since he showed us his unrelenting resolve to stay a part our our family about 5 years ago when he was hit by a car. Tantrum spent a week in the veterinary hospital and everyday I awaited the dreaded phone call. But in the end Tantrum perservered ~ I don't know how, but he did. He wanted to be home and he wanted us to help him. It's been a bit of a long journey back to health for him, but today he's a fat healthy cat, with a sassy attitude, who loves attention and is just a little bit off balance! :)
Miss Molly ~ Our "wild child" and daddy's little fur baby! She's 5, but you'd think she was 2. Enough said? :) She'll steal your heart...make you want to wring her little neck...and steal your heart back again. I don't think the word "spoiled" begins to describe Molly's luxurious lifestyle ~ I'm sure she's convinced that she's NOT a dog. Although, given her way she'd be galavanting through a mud puddle covering herself in whatever sticks and leaves she found along the way. This makes Molly very happy....either that or a swimming pool! The caretakers at her boarding facility call her "sweet Molly"...I wonder if we're talking about the same dog ~ then she looks at me with her big, brown, "I love you" eyes and I know that we are! :)