Sunday, June 22, 2008

Self Advocacy :)

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not the type of person to sit back and let someone else do all the "work" for me when it comes to...well...just about anything. :)'s not a very comfortable position for me to be in when it comes to our adoption process and not having a hand in the work to be done to bring our baby home. I don't feel comfortable just waiting without doing something myself to help make our situation different and bring us closer to the dream of becoming parents. I enjoy "fighting for my own cause". :) I decided that I'm going to try and do some things within my power to spread the word that we are two loving people who want to be parents and after seven years have not been able to make that happen for ourselves...we are seeking to adopt an infant to raise in this wonderfully beautiful, honest, open and incredibly loving family we are a part of. We are homestudy ready which means we have completed all of the necessary information needed to become certified in our state. We are just waiting...for a birthmother to think that we are the right people to care for and raise her child. I have thought about posting our "dear birthmother" letter...just in case anyone who happens across this blog reads it and knows someone or is someone who wants to make an adoption plan for their child. It feels a bit personal, but I guess we have to let ourselves be vulnerable sometimes if it means achieving our dreams. :)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Just a Little Vent

Something has been on my mind for a little while and I guess I need to release it in order to move on from it. :) The New York Times recently published an article regarding the journeys of several women through their infertility/adoption/child-free living, etc. The infertility support group that I am involved with sent out an e-mail regarding this article and a link to it in order for anyone who wanted to to read it since they felt like it was an adequate representation of many feelings involved in this disease. At the bottom of the article I ran into an area where readers can respond to the article and leave comments about their thoughts. As I read through the comments I was horrified, hurt, and in shock at the lack of compassion and downright cruel and mean things people commented upon. Granted I am aware that until a person has experience something for themselves, they could not possibly know the magnitude of hurt or pain involved...but I guess in never occured to me that there are people out there who have absolutely zero compassion for anyone going through the battle of infertility. It took me back...actually way the point of wondering why we can't all just support each other even when we don't understand the other person's hurt. Is it our right to be judgemental of another person's pain just because we don't feel the same way?? Wouldn't it be nice if we could just feel compassion for a person solely because there is something in their life causing them pain? Comments were left about the fact that "if infertility is the worst thing in someone's life that they should just be grateful". To be honest, almost every single day of my life I have a conversation with myself about how much in my life I have to be thankful for...and do you know why I have this conversation with myself everday? It's because everday I am reminded in one way or another that after 7 years I am still not a mother no matter how hard I have tried to be one. So, yes....I know how incredibly fortunate I am to have such a wonderful family, a roof over my head, a wonderful support system, amazing friends and a husband that is a human angel.....but it still doesn't take away the pain I feel when I think that I might never experience feeling a baby growing inside of me, the miracle of birthing my son, looking into my child's eyes and seeing the reflection of her father or nursing a baby to sleep. Some of these things aren't important to some people...but they were important to me and my choice to have these important things in my life were taken from me without my permission.
So before we judge someone's pain based on our own idea of importance on the subject... let's just acknowlegde that the person is hurting, lend them our compassion, and do what we can to help them through it. I feel better. :)

Thursday, June 5, 2008

And then you lose your job...

Yes, it's true. Tuesday our division informed us that due to the hardship of our economy all of the designers would be let go. Technically my last day is the 13th after a long week of installing our last remaining project. Funny how that worked out!
While we all knew that this was a possibility (they had already let two designers go since the beginning of the year), we had just received a new project and were in the middle of preparing for a presentation. We certainly were not expecting this right now. I had in my mind that eventually leaving my job would be under my terms. I would work up until "our baby" came and then be at home. The timing of this isn't quite what we had planned for. And's not really about the money so much (while some adjustments must be made), the difficult part of it for me has been about the people I have come to know and build relationships with over the past 8 years of being in the design industry. Not only the people that I work with directly, but our vendors who I work so closely with and have for a long time. I knew that when I eventually left my job as a designer, I would most likely not return to the design field once I went back to work (if I decided to). So, this abrupt change in my life is kind of the end of an "era" for me. I won't ever work in this industry again and even though that's my decision, it's still been what I've done for the last 8 years....and it just feels a little bit strange. I must say, I feel a little bit sad. I've never been in this situation before.
I know that everything happens for a reason. I was very ready for change in my life...I just didn't know it was going to be my job...but I am going to embrace what this change means for me and take some time to find my new direction. Whatever that might be.
I know from being on the building end of the economy and also seeing what Matt's going through on the finance end of the economy that our world is a little scarey right now. I just want you all to know that I hope you and your families are pulling through okay and I pray that this little black cloud that seems to be hovering over us right now soon lifts.
Let's all take care of each other. :)