Thursday, January 31, 2008

Cautiously Optimistic

I think I'm getting really tired of hearing that...
We received our results from our frozen IVF cycle and we have a positive...however our hcg level is quite low. They like to see this level above 50 and ours came back at 20. My RE said that he has seen this number come back a little lower with frozen transfers than with fresh cycles. He advised us to be cautiously optimistic. I don't know how to do that with this type of situation...Yay, we're maybe pregnant! I guess I just need to be happy that there's still a level of hope and that our hope today was not squelched with a negative result. :)
My sister said (Cassie), "well, last time you had a great number and that didn't end how you wanted it to, so you'll just have to see what this leads to." And I had to stop and wonder if I'd gotten ANY number, would I be happy with it or would I still feel like I had to take it a day at a time. Yes, I think I would still feel scared and unsure of celebrating too much.'s to a postitive test today! :)
I go back on Monday to see if my levels have risen as they should be. I'll let you know how that turns out. :)
Thanks again for all of your prayers, thoughts, encouragement, support and love. We couldn't do this without you all. :)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Oh, Awaited Day!

I have been waiting for this day all week!'s raining! At the beginning of the week I was looking forward to Thursday when it was supposed to didn't rain. Then didn't rain.'s Sunday and it's raining! :) I find the rain to be exhilerating. A breath of fresh air. A sense of renewal.
You know when there's a lot of commotion going on and the dust is thick in the air and swirling about and the rain comes along and pats all the dust back down firmly into the earth again? Well, that's how I feel about the affect that rain has on my internal "dust" as well. Everything just gets a little more settled, "patted down"...I stop and relax for a little while. I breathe a little deeper and feel like the air is a little fresher. It makes me want to twirl around outside in the wetness with an umbrella and smile....or twirl without an umbrella and laugh!
The my world...kind of softens the hardness, caresses and invigorates, and lets us know that everything is going to be okay.
Bring on the rain! :)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thankful Thursday

Today, and everyday, I am thankful for family. They are the ones who are there for us no matter what. When we make bad decisions they help us put the pieces back together, when we make good decisions they cheer with us, when we are lonely they are company, when we're sick they take care of us, when we are successful they honor us, when we're sad they cry with us, when we have surgery they wait in the waiting room for hours for us, when one of their own is hurt they huddle and pray, when our heart is broken they arrive with threads of gold to sew it back together, when new members are born they rejoice, when old members leave they I don't know what I would ever do without mine.
There has been a lot going on in our everyone knows....and one of the people who I'm thinking a lot of today is Jill. I am hoping and praying for cancer-free cells! I know she probably won't get the results today since last time it took a few days...but I'm thinking about her and praying for a smooth surgery and good news! May she know her extended family is holding her in their hearts and that we are here for her to cheer with her. We love her and want her to know that no matter what happens...she has family....

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

It was a good day!

Well....our little embryo heard your prayers and was strengthened by them because when I got to the doctor yesterday morning I was told that s/he survived the thaw process! I was elated and overcome with emotion...I truly wasn't really expecting this news.
The morning started off a little rocky with Matt waking up with chills, fever and cough. I told him to go back to bed...he couldn't be anywhere near such fragile company! :) Besides, it was obvious that the only place he did belong was tucked under layers of blankets in bed. So, I set off at 6:15am in order to arrive at my scheduled time of 7:30am. Around 6:45am I called my mom and asked if she could pick me up at around 8:45 and she was happy to do so, even though it was a good hour long commute in traffic. What a mom ~ and my sister Cory and little Brodes came too so that I could get my car back home. :) Thank you!!! :)
It was a little different not having anyone in the transfer room with me, but after 2 1/2 years with this reproductive endocrinologist, they are like my second family. :) So, I wasn't nervous...especially after the knowing the fight that this little embryo put up just to get to this point. I had a picture of it to hold, and I could look at the screen as they placed it in my uterus. This process just amazes me every time. You would think after doing this 5 times that I'd be used to it...but I just continue to be amazed.
The process after transfer is to wait for about 30-40 minutes before getting up, so this time instead of talking with Matt...they turned the light off and let me sleep! :) They came in and woke me up when Mom and Cory got there around 9am. It all actually went very smooth!
Yesterday and today, I'm on bedrest which is nice, but gets a little uncomfortable since I'm doing intramuscular progesterone injections in my glutes and have knots the size of golfballs! But hey...when has this process ever been easy! :)
So, we'll have the results in a couple of weeks.

As for poor Matt....he's not doing so great. Tried to take a shower this morning, but I found water all over the floor and him face down in bed...sick. :(

Thank you everyone for every way that you have helped support us through this journey. It has been a long one and we are just so thankful for your continued dedication to helping us through. We love you!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Calling all Angels

One week from today we have our frozen embryo transfer scheduled. We were able to cryopreserve one "very strong" embryo from our last IVF cycle in August. The thawing process will begin next Monday the 21st, but we won't know for sure if the embryo survived the thaw until Tuesday...the day of transfer. With cryopreserved embryos, the survivial rate from the thaw process is 50%. We would love it if you would keep us in your prayers. I am trying so hard to keep optimistic about this cycle, all the while guarding my heart from possibly losing the embryo before transfer, getting a negative test result, and/or most of all living the disappointment of losing a pregnancy again. I know it really is all out of my hands, and I know that no matter what happens...I will be okay...but does that "hope" for success ever go away? Anyway...I really feel that all of your positive thoughts and prayers really helped last time. Knowing that you were all holding us in your heart allowed me to let go and know that it was okay. So, if you could bring us to the forefront of your thoughts or prayers over the next couple of weeks we would be so thankful.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Thankful Thursday

First of all I'm thankful that today is Thursday in and of itself. :) I don't have to work tomorrow!!
Secondly, I've been thinking lately that I'm really thankful to be living in a country where we have a woman running for president!! For some reason this has been on my mind a lot lately. To doesn't feel like it should be any other way, but for this is evidence that we have come so far from where we used to be. Not only is she running for president, but people are voting for her! It doesn't matter whether you share her views, are republican or democrat, would vote for her or not...those things don't matter. What matters is acknowledging the fact that for the first time in history we have an African American man and a caucasian woman running for our presidency. We are making history today. For this freedom and forward movement of the people...I am thankful.