Monday, September 24, 2007

Endings and Beginnings

Our appointment this morning confirmed the worst...the baby has for sure stopped growing and the pregnancy is over, almost. We wait for the miscarriage to happen. It should happen within the next 2 weeks, if not they will need to do a d&c. I'm hoping for it to happen the natural way. We feel so sad and angry and yet...numb at the same time. I never knew I could love something so much that was only with me for such a short time. In that short time ~ it was so big to held so much potential and brought me so much happiness. A happiness I had never know before. My life has been forever changed by its existence, no matter how short it was. We always hear that with one ending comes a new beginning. Well I'm proud to say that today was also a glorious day! Brittni and Cory welcomed baby Wyatt into this world at 3:44 this afternoon! He's beautiful and everyone is doing really well. He weighed 8lbs. 4 oz and was 21 inches long. What an amazing miracle to witness. When it all comes down to it, I just feel so truly blessed to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends and to feel the love abounding all around. It's a good day to be alive.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Devastation Hits

This is the last post I ever wanted to be writing, but I just need to get it over with. I had another u/s this morning and it looks like our little baby has stopped growing. My Dr. could not see a fetal pole and the gestational sac was smaller than it was on Friday. Matt and I can hardly grasp what is happening and just feel completely devastated. I was certainly not anticipating getting this news today at all. I've been instructed to continue my meds and was scheduled for another u/s on Monday. However, I was also given direction on what to do if the m/c happens before then. I know this is really wishful thinking and a long shot from actually happening, but if you believe in the power of prayer and miracles...will you continue praying for us? We're just not quite ready to let go of this I'm sure you can understand.
Thanks for all of your support~

Friday, September 14, 2007

Last Beta Test and a little suprise!!

Yay!! Today was the last beta test (my veins are thankful). Our number came back at 2568 that's good. Everything is moving in the right direction. :) We LOVE that!! My RE also surprised me with wanting to do an ultrasound!! He warned me that it's VERY early and that chances are we might not see anything, but he just wanted to take a look. And then...clear as day there it was!!! (yes, just one :)) I was so disappointed that Matt wasn't there, but I had okayed it with him prior. He'll be there at the next one to hear the heart flutter. :) I started crying, then my nurse started crying. I really have the most wonderful doctor and nurse that anyone could ask for going through this process. That makes such a huge difference! So I got to see the gestational sac and yolk ~ amazing! I also got to bring home pictures for Matt. It's becoming so much more real ~ so much more scarey.
I go back on Wed. of next week for another ultrasound to check on things again. I don't know if that's for Dr. Z's peace of mind or mine...but we'll see how things are progressing anyway! :) celebrate more good news!!!! :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Progress is Good

So, I think my expectations for today were a little high since we had such a jump on Monday. :) It was still good news...1405. I was expecting around 1600, but we were told that our number today was still very good. Since it's not over 1500 yet, I have to go back in on Friday morning for another blood test. Hopefully that one will be the last one.
I was trying so hard not to get "too attached" (ya, right) to this beautiful thing that has happened to us. But, there is no hope for that anymore...I'm officially attached. My heart wants this so bad...I just pray so much that in May we get to welcome a little one into our family. Please continue to pray for us ~ we appreciate you all so much and the support you provide for us without even realizing it. I'll post again on Friday to give you another update. :)

Monday, September 10, 2007

Today Is Another Good Day

I went in this morning for more bloodwork to test the HcG levels in my system. We were nervous since you never know what more tests will bring. Since our initial number was 146 and that number needs to double every 48 hours, I was hoping to see numbers around 584ish. Well, the nurse called me back and today our level was at 811! A VERY good strong number again. We coudn't be happier with this news and just pray that things continue rising and growing. We appreciate your support and prayers so much! My next appt. is Wed. morning to do another blood test. If all goes well with that will be our last beta test. :)
We love you!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Miracles Do Happen!

I just know it was the overwhelming number of prayers that God has been unindated with lately that He finally said "OK"!!! Today we received the best news we could ever hear and the first sign of a positive pregnancy test that we've ever had! I went in this morning to have blood drawn and tested and they test the HCg levels in the blood. To be considered a positive number, it had to be above 50...our number was 146. So that's a good solid number! I go back in on Monday to have my blood retested to make sure the the numbers are doubling as they should. We have no idea what lies ahead of's still SO early, but for today....we're undescribably (is that a word?) happy! We're completely in shock and just keep looking at each other saying "can you believe this??". I've heard "no" so many times, that I'm not sure my mind knows how to process "yes". :) Hopefully we will have the opportunity to really let it sink in and really feel it. Right now it just seems surreal.
THANK YOU to everyone who has encouraged us, supported us and prayed for us. We are incredibly blessed to have you all and would not be where we are without you. Please don't stop praying :) we still need those prayers for continued growth and health. For today....we rejoice and celebrate this wonderful miracle we've been given!