Hi ~ I just wanted to give an update to those of you who have so diligently supported us and encouraged us through one of the most difficult parts of our journey so far. (you know who you are :)) and we are so thankful for you.
Tuesday I went into Piper Surgery Center for my d&c. I was very mentally unprepared for this procedure, since I didn't know it was going to happen until Monday. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around "the end" and it put me into somewhat of an irritable tailspin Monday evening. Poor Matt and anyone else I spoke to that night.
They use general anesthesia, which my body does not respond well to, so I was fairly sick Tuesday and Wednesday. I went to work on Thursday and I think that evening driving home is when it hit me...it's over. And I started crying...finally. Today I feel a little better...still the lingering headache and dizziness, but everyday gets a little better. It feels strange to just go about my life these days...the last few weeks have been so full of so much emotion, both good and bad. Shouldn't there be some sort of mourning period, or quiet ceremony to acknowledge the existence of a little soul even for the short time it was with us??
I asked Matt last night, how he gets through it...what does he tell himself that carries him through? He told me that he still has hope...that he never loses his hope amongst the sadness. So, that's what I'm choosing to do...maintain hope. I'm looking forward to the good things coming up....the smells of Fall...our first trip to New York!...supporting my mom in her 3-Day Cancer walk...celebrating birthdays...holidays with family....the spirit of Christmas...and new beginnings. All the while, maintaining hope. I know it won't be easy, but as they say "don't pray for an easy life...pray to be a strong person". And every night I pray for strength because I've learned that life is not, nor will ever be, easy. May we all have the strength to fight our battles.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Moving Forward
shared by Jamie at 7:28 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 butterfly kisses:
Jamie, you have a strength that many people are not blessed to have. I truly admire you in so many ways. Our prayers have continued and will continue to be with you and Matt. May hope, peace and love fill your heart in these next few months.
I think Matt has the right answer...Hope. Without hope we have nothing. The definition of hope in the dictionary is...a feeling that what is wanted will happen. So keep on keeping on and may God bless you.
Jamie....I love your words and thoughts. I asked daddy the same question the other day.....and his answer was the same as Matt's.
We were given Hope this time, and I continue to be thankful for that and I AM so Hopeful.
I read from someone else how... for all of the happy days, there will continue to be days that are challenging and hard. That it takes time, and patience and strength to get through them. But it also requires dealing gently with yourself for those days that are hard to be strong and courageous.
I keep you, Mattie and this little soul in my heart everyday.
I love you!
Jamie I love you so much. I love you for your strength and for your uncertainty and for your beauty and for your questions and for the kind of grace to hold space for ALL of it...you really are amazing. I think that you SHOULD hold a ceremony for your loss...write some words, sing a quiet song, say it all out loud...and symbolically let it go...burn something or send something on it's way through air or water or whatever. if you need it...do it...sometimes the ritual of doing something holds a lot of power in it.
this spirit touched my heart in a real way, and it has left a huge heap of hope in my life for you. whatever that means...i will keep it close.
i love you so much!
In all of yours and Matt's previous tries for parenthood yours and our hopes were dashed quickly. Perhaps this time the Lord had only one purpose for that little soul that is lost to us now....that purpose being to give us hope that natural parenthood is not beyond the realm of possibility for you and Matt. And if that is true then that little soul fulfilled his/her purpose and we are left with hope beyond a shadow of a doubt!
GG
Jam, It seems so unfair sometimes that when something tragic happens life is supposed to keep on going. I have struggles with this concept in the past and have asked myself why. I agree with Jess that you should have some sort of ceremony to acknowledge and celebrate the existence of this little spirit and also the release as well. I would love to be a part of it unless you would rather an intimate ceremony with you and Matt. I do have hope for your family. I love you so much Jamie and am proud of you for all that you go through, all that you share, and all that you are. You and Matt are amazing examples to so many people. I love you with all my heart and think of you every day. If you ever need someone to cry to or with, call me and I am here always.
You all lift me up so much...thank you!
I hadn't left a comment because I felt like we talked a lot the other night at dinner. However reading over this again I feel the urge just to remind you how much I love your wonderful spirit. You are truly an amazing woman and a treasured friend.
Okay I also just realized that I changed my blog colors to almost match yours without even realizing it. I was switching from yours to mine and got confused. Woops sorry!
Post a Comment