Sharing

Well, here's a little picture of what we've done so far. You can't really tell, but the bottom part of the wall is beadboard and it's painted white. There's a white chairrail and then (obviously) green above. I have some of the bumble bees penciled in, but...I'm a little nervous to actually begin painting. I don't know why...I feel like I'm having this issue (which I often have about a LOT of things) with "finishing" something. It's really a weird "issue" to have...but for some reason the "finishing" brings about some anxiety. Maybe it's because I have to "rest" with the result and don't have the option to dream about it anymore. WHO KNOWS! But it affects me all the way down to not finishing my drink sometimes for heaven sakes!! Anyway...I'm working on it. Maybe I have a need to know there's always "more".

My wonderful mother helped me paint all 5 coats of paint on the wall ~ yes...5! Due to some paint matching issues. And my sweet dad ended up having to cut our angles for us on our chairrail with one of his handy dandy big daddy sawing tools! Thank you!!! :) We appreciate all of your help!

Online Profile Is Up!!

Hi! We've been waiting for several days now to see our online profile up on our adoption agency's website and as of today ...it's up!! :) This means that birthmothers, etc. who are looking to place a baby can find us on the website too and don't just have to go into the agency to look at our books. It's really quite strange to log onto a website and see our smiling faces. It causes me to feel a little vulnerable...but I guess it's necessary for this journey.
Another fun thing...my mom and I painted the nursery yesterday! It looks beautiful and I thought we were done until I realized that the second gallon of paint is lighter than the first. :( You can see every roll I made "finishing up". Turns out they were created from two separate bases. Looks like I have more painting to do... Something else that's totally exciting to me is that I ordered our chair for the nursery too!!!! I'm so excited about this chair (you really have no idea)...it's black with white polka dots! It will fit right into my "bumble bee" theme. :) And it's SOOOO comfy!
Hope to have more good news to share again soon. Thanks for being patient with my enthusiasm for such small details, it's just that we have waited sooo long that every little bit that I get to do that I have only dreamed about doing in the past, is like the joy I felt on my very first Christmas morning! (that I remember) :)

Please Say A Little Prayer For...

A potential birthmother that we had to decide to pass on showing our portfolio to. She's in a difficult situation and could use some special prayers I'm sure. She's due in 2 weeks!!
Yes...that fast!!

Approved!!

We're officially approved and certified for adoption! :) We just received the news today and we were completely caught off guard since we thought it would be toward the end of the month.
Yay!!!!! Now...let the waiting begin!

Poem In Your Pocket day

I included this poem on the last page of our adoption portfolio.

"TWO WOMEN"
by Lori Coleman

"Two women cry into the night, their eyes are filled with tears.
Oh God, why is this happening, I need to feel you near.

One women sits in darkness, decisions she must make.
She wants to do what's best for her child, it's life she cannot take.

The other women clings to her mate, she doesn't understand.
Why they're unable to have a child, as so many others can.

These women come from different worlds, their lives are miles apart.
But God would deliver them from pain, and heal their broken hearts.

Because one precious morning, their lives were intertwined.
Both women's prayers were answered, as they felt God's plan unwind.

One woman touched her newborn's cheek, and whispered to the babe,
'because I love you little one, this sacrifice I make'.

With strength she felt from heaven, to the other woman she gave
The miracle of a baby, for her to love and raise.

The other woman looked down, at her precious baby's eyes
And thanked God for the woman who had helped fulfill this life.

Two women pray into the night, and thank the Lord above.
For the gift He's given them, to feel a Mother's love."

They're Off!

All of the copies of our portfolio are done, all "ribboned up" and are on their way to Hillsboro Oregon! I almost cried when I put them in the box and taped it all up...I don't really know why. I felt like I was sending kids off to school for the first time or something. I wanted to say "now, make me proud and show everyone who you are!" :) (no, I wouldn't say that to my children, but somehow I felt like our future was left up to these little books in some weird way.)

Even though we are still waiting on our approval, our agency is able to start showing potential birthmothers our portfolio if someone is interested in looking at it. WOW! What a crazy thought! :)

We're starting to talk about some of the fun things now...names...strollers...carseats...formula...diapers...nursery decor...:) I can't believe we're finally at a place where we can be talking about these things. :) Feels good!

To Surrender....... it doesn't always mean you've lost the battle

"And the day came when the risk it took to

remain tight inside the bud was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom."

Anais Nin

My Grandma G. gave me this quote glued onto a little piece of cardstock that she included in a letter she sent me MANY years ago. Throughout my life it has been a positive reminder to me that it is impossible to grow if we choose not to transform. Sometimes where we are is more painful than the risk it would take to get where we want to be. These are some powerful words that can apply to many different circumstances. I have this little piece of paper that my grandma sent me stuck to my bulletin board at work. Lately it's been calling out to me again. I have glanced at it and read it many times...

There has been a lot on my mind lately. There are times when I feel that "wow, when we really let ourself surrender ~ God will show us amazing things!". There are times when I feel defeated. There are times when I feel scared to death of what is before us. There are times when I feel so excited that if it happened tomorrow it wouldn't be too soon. There are times I feel frustrated about social "norms" that most people don't even have to think about. There are times when I feel angry about the naivety of the world. There are times that I feel so grateful that I get to experience things that some people will never have the chance to. And there are times when I feel that where I am is right where I'm supposed to be. I think that the peace that can come after a person has been fighting something for SO long and has been enlightened to a more productive route, is magical. I got to the point where the physical, emotional and mental pain I was placing on my body by trying to "make" it get pregnant and hold onto the pregnancy was at a point where continuing to go through that was going to be way more painful than accepting that that particular door might not ever open. It was absolutely necessary to my well being to take the risk to place my dreams elsewhere. Was it easy...no. Obviously it took us 7 years to get to that point...Accepting that sometimes circustances make it so that we aren't able to make our own choices is never easy. But, most often necessary (remembering that happiness is a choice). I know that I am healing just by noticing small changes in myself. I laugh a little more freely...I can enjoy being around children more, without the pain of ever wondering if I will have my own...I can open the door to the "nursery" and know that one of these days it WILL be a nursery... These may seem like very small changes, but the hurt that has accompanied them in the past, I can assure you, was huge.

Yes, it's still very difficult to see a pregnant woman....yes, sometimes I want to sit down and have a really good hard cry...I wonder if that won't always be with me, but I'm feeling change ~ and for me that's a good thing. Sometimes it seems that we get further when we flow with the direction of the waves and the wind, than when we fight with all our might in the opposite direction. (well I guess most often that would be the case, but sometimes it's necessary to fight too. :) I think sometimes God lets us fight it all out of our system, so that when we finally give in to our true path...we can feel as though we did everything we could and can find peace in where He wants us to be. Wow...

A Gift For You

This message was posted on a blog I visit regularly as a soothing touch for a heart that was hurting. It has been on my mind all day and I wanted to pass the message along just in case it might be what someone else needs to hear today too.

"Your soul has been through a great storm,
but all is not lost,
a kind light is coming soon,
to bring you hope & life.

You can rest now and wait...".
~ Jen Lemen

It was emphasized what a wonderful feeling it is to know it's okay to "rest"....I agree.