My Treasures

Oh...Hi :)

2009-02-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

I just found out that "some" people still check this blog! :) I'm sorry ~ I haven't posted here in so long because for the last several months my life has been all about our adoption! :) My intent was to post "general/family" stuff here and just adoption stuff on "Wings of Hope". Seems this site has been all but forgotten by me. :)
My mom has asked that her "not so flattering" (her words ~ i thought it was nice) photo be taken down from her anniversary post or else she was going to re-post one of me that is absolutely heinous! It's one of those that you think "i don't REALLY look like that, do i??" hoping with all your might that the answer is NO! haha!! :)
Anyway....I have generally been posting on my other blog and will most likely continue to do that. Not sure why I thought I needed (or could keep up with) two blogs! :)

HAPPY 35th ANNIVERSARY!

2008-12-28T15:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Anniversary dad and mom!!! Your love and gentleness with each other inspires us all daily. We are blessed to be under the umbrella of your unconditional and very special love. We hope the next 35 are just as happy. :) We wish you a wonderful day of celebration ~
We love you so much!

It's Beginning To Look (a little) Like Christmas!

2008-12-07T18:14:00.001-08:00

I so enjoyed my day free of homework today! I slept in, sipped on hot coffee, checked on all my bloggy friends and e-mails and then I started on the Christmas decorating! :) I don't have a lot of things to decorate with...I seem to add a little bit to my collection every year, but it's fun to re-discover everything each year! :) I also finished a blanket I was working on and was able to get the gifts I've already purchased wrapped!! Yes, this feels good! Tomorrow....I hit the stores for some hardcore Christmas shopping!

They Did It!

2008-11-17T15:39:00.000-08:00

My mom, my uncle, and two of my cousins were 4 of over 2000 people to walk 60 miles in support of breast cancer research this past weekend!!!! It all started on Friday morning at Freestone Park at around 7am. With an inspiring and emotional send off they began their trek to complete 60 miles over three days. Each day consisted of approx. 20 miles....they slept in tents and then got up the next morning to do it all again. They've trained all year and even though there were some mishaps with blisters the size of Texas.....there was no complaining....not even once. They are truly inspiring!

We (the family of supporters) greeted them at each cheering station with smiling faces and decorated T-shirts, signs, chairs, blankets, coke, gatorade, bandaides, etc. to help them get through the next series of miles before we would see them again. They were well taken care of by the 3-Day Crew, but we liked being there to give them anything extra that their heart may be desiring...like Dunkin Donuts on the last day!! :)

This group of 2000 walkers helped raise over $5 million dollars this year for breast cancer research!!! The closing ceremonies on Sunday evening were beautiful and motivating......I think I cried through the whole thing. I cried for the people who were no longer with us, I cried for the people battling this disease right now, I cried for those who will and I cried out of tenderness for what each of these walkers brought to the 3-Day this year. It wasn't easy.....there were those who were sick from dehydration during the night and proceeded with their dedication of finishing this walk the next day, there were those in the process of chemotherapy who held their heads of up because they have hope for their future and every single person walked because this disease has affected them on some level. They carried that person or persons with them as they put one foot in front of the other and in the end they all knew that they had made a difference.

So, THANK YOU mom (Kimberly), Uncle Ken, Rachel and Kelleigh for helping make this world a more hopeful place to live.....imagine....a world without breast cancer!

A Few Little Halloween Treats

2008-11-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

My mom and dad had a Halloween party last night and we all had a great time! Here are a few random pictures we took throughout the night. I didn't get a picture of Asher's costume, but he was a yellow ladybug......a "meat eating" ladybug! :) Brodes was a dinosaur, Wyatt was a sock monkey and JoJo was a witch. :) Everyone was adorable!!

Happy Anniversary To Us

2008-10-28T14:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday (the 27th) we celebrated 8 years of marriage by driving home from San Diego with my family!! :)

We got to spend the weekend hanging out with family, being amazed by Shamu, being gently rocked to sleep by the breeze on the beach as we listened to the waves, rejoicing in the genuine excitement on each one of the little ones faces as they discovered something for the first time! It was a wonderful weekend full of good times and we thoroughly enjoyed it!

I just have to give a little "shout out" to my wonderful and adorable husband who has been my best friends for the last 10 years. He is what makes my days and nights so worth living and has been my rock through the times I didn't know how I would make it. I'm so thankful he is my partner and I would marry him all over again today. :)

Let's Try This Again

2008-09-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

Well, last summer I tried to take this algebra class and it kicked my booty so I had to drop it since I was taking Anatomy&Physiology and also working. Soooo, in another effort to take my mind off of my quest to become a mother I'm trying it again. :) My first day was yesterday....didn't really feel like the first day of school since I didn't have to go anywhere! :) It's an online class ~ I have to say that whoever's idea it was for online classes is truly a genius.
After this class I will only have 1 more class to take prior to applying for the nursing program! :) Plus I have to pass the N.E.T., which makes my stomach sick just thinking about it.
Anyway....I'm sure I will do great in this class.....as soon as I find my motivation.
Now....where did I put it.......

A Visit to the Past

2008-09-23T08:43:00.000-07:00

We went to visit Cassie and Kyle in NM this past weekend and had such a wonderful time! It had been many years since I was in Farmington and it was so exciting getting to show Matt where I went to High School and where we lived and all my old stomping grounds. It has changed SO much ~ but still the same in many ways. We also took a drive up to Durango which was even more beautiful than I remembered! Matt used to work for a window company and part of his territory was Durango. In our search for somewhere to let the doggies run around we drove down a little side street and lo and behold ~ there was the window company Matt used to service!
Cassie and Kyle were such wonderful host/hostesses and we enjoyed our time with them so much. We were able to meet several of Kyles family members and were quite entertained by his little niece who was doing her best to make everyone laugh....just by giggling!! :) We were introduced to a couple of wonderful little breweries where we got to hang out on the patio and enjoy good conversations....It was wonderful to be able to sit outside in the middle of the day and not pass out from heat stroke!
Molly and Daisy got along wonderfully and didn't even try to escape from the yard while we were gone. I think Molly thought she had died and gone to heaven with that much running room ~ and a sweet little playmate! :) Daisy decided to sleep on Molly's bed the whole time and jumped up on it when Matt picked it up when we were ready to leave. :) I think she just didn't want us to go. She even went to Molly's protection when we were in Durango and a couple of big Huskies scared the bajeebies out of Molly! :)
We had such a wonderful time!!!! Even with the horrible movie selections! :) Thank you for letting us stay and for making our time there so comfy and fun!! :) Love you ~

Take A Moment

2008-09-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to take a moment to remember the victims and their families that were affected by this date 7 years ago. Not only the innocent people who lost their lives on that specific day, but all of the people whose lives have been affected since then. I don't know how this current war will end, but I pray that it's under peace and safety for the men and women who are still over there and the countless innocent victims whose lives have been turned upside down due to it. I pray that it's soon so that no one else loses their life. I pray that our next president can make this happen....whoever that might be.

Not this time either...

2008-09-02T21:23:00.000-07:00

It's not completely official, but it looks like they've chosen another family. There were so many reasons that I thought this might be "the one", but.....instead of preparing for a new addition to our family, we're left picking up the pieces of another disappointment. Yuck...I hate this feeling.

Requesting Your Thoughts and Prayers

2008-08-25T17:02:00.000-07:00

Our profile is going to be shown to an expectant couple tomorrow and we would love it if you could send some prayers or special thoughts out for us. :) This baby is due Oct. 4th ~ it appears to be a situation that would fit into our family wonderfully. :)
We are excited, nervous, anxious, scared, worried, happy that we've been given this opportunity and hoping that their decision is made quickly. :)
Thanks so much!!

So, the birdie saga continues....

2008-08-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

Last night we had a pretty heavy thunderstorm with lots of rain and wind. We went to check on the little birdie that is refusing to leave his nest. Well, Matt comes running in to get a flashlight because he says "something" us up on top of our house. What?! So we both go out with flashlights and Matt's made me completely freaked out that something is going to jump onto my head as I run out from under the house. Lo and behold there is a cat laying, oh about a foot above the poor little birdie nest. We made enough commotion to scare him off...but only until this morning when he was back again. :(
Anyway...during the windstorm our little birdie lost his nest. :( It was on the ground this morning when I went out to check on him. I looked around the ground for him and didn't find him. Finally I looked up and see him wedged onto a little tiny ledge right below where the nest was. So, all day he has made changes to his location and now....he's sitting in the spot right where his nest had been. :) He REALLY does not want to leave. There was a point when I thought maybe I should try and put the nest back up there, and then I thought...no, maybe mother nature is subtly trying to tell him it's time to hit the road! :) His mama (or daddy) periodically continues to check on him and keep watch. I'm not sure that this little guy will ever leave! He's a pretty big birdie now...it's really amazing how fast these birds grow. I think I'll be sad when he actually does decide to leave....

Round Two

2008-08-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

Well, a couple of weeks after we lost our little mourning dove family...a new little family decided to take up residency in the nest that was left. I thought to myself "oh great, we have to go through this again!". So far this experience has been quite different than the last one. We did have a very close predatory encounter, but I think everyone is okay. (I hope!)
There were two little baby doves that were hatched - Matt saved one of the shells to show the little kiddos, but it was starting to gross me out having a it on my counter so I threw it away. :( For quite a while I could see two little birdie heads popping out of the nest. It was so cute! There was always a mommy or a daddy taking care of the little ones. I kept expecting to walk out and find one of the babies on the ground like last time....but it never happened until this past Wed. I had the door open to the backyard and Molly and T were enjoying the cool morning air. Well, all of a sudden there was a big swoosh headed straight for the ground. We went outside to see T laying under a bush right below the nest and both adult doves flopping around acting like they were hurt. I thought it was just because T was so close to the nest. Well, halfway through his pounce to go after the "hurt" doves, I grabbed him only for Matt to realize he had a feather sticking out of his mouth (classic!) I almost vomitted thinking that one of the baby birdies was in his stomach! Once I got him inside we looked back by the bush he was laying under and saw one of the babies. He was pretty big and his wings looked all spread out and awkward. I thought "wonderful ~ he's going to lay there and die and I can't do anything about it!" I could watch him from the family room window. I knew I wasn't supposed to try and help him ~ I knew his parents would do what they could. I kept checking on him until all of a sudden he was gone. He kept moving closer and closer into the shade as the sun continued to rise in the sky. His little wings were folded perfectly to his side and he was looking around at everything. The last time I saw him he was semi under a vine between it and the house and his mama was perched on the fence right above him. The next morning he was nowhere to be seen. I'm choosing to believe that he found his strength and has flown away. That's what I'm choosing to believe and hopefully it's the truth!
Now for this other little birdie.....I don't think he wants to leave home. Both parents are hardly in the nest at all these days. Last night for the first time he was perched a little outside the nest and I expected to see him on the ground this morning, but nope....he's snuggly secured within his nest again! :) Maybe he's really a chicken and not a mourning dove. :) Can you blame him after what he witnessed with his brother!? :)
Needless to say both Molly and T are on house arrest and Molly is only allowed in the backyard under strict supervision ~although she'd probably just want to be friends with the birdies anyway!

Show and Tell Time :)

2008-08-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've tried to make a little space for creativity between my mandatory book reading and reviewing. :) I finally got around to making Wyatt's rag quilt. (it's only 10 months late!) It was fun and reminded me how much a enjoy creating things. I thought I would post a little photo of it for you. :) (it's the red,white and blue one ~ haha!)
Yesterday while I was at JoAnne's I saw the "pattern" for these little blankets and thought for some reason that Molly needed one for when we go camping and especially for "her spot" on the couch. So...here's the little blankie I made Molly too. :) It was fun and super easy!!

Our Mourning Dove Mama

2008-07-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

This little mama was so devoted to her little babies...there was never a time that I went outside and she wasn't there in her nest over the past month. I really came to enjoy her being here and liked the fact that she felt safe being close to us. I wondered how she was feeding them and learned that they feed them "milk" that is regurgitated from the food she eats. I guess that explains it!

Well, Tuesday I went outside and found a little tiny feathered baby bird on the ground right below the nest (dead). I felt horrible for her ~ I talked to her a little bit and wasn't sure what to do with it. I had to do something or else Molly / Tantrum would find it.

This afternoon I went out to check on her and found another little feathered birdie with its wings spread out (obviously had taken a shot at flying) dead in the same place. These little birds were of pretty good size and I just can't figure out what happened. That poor little mama bird....

I looked online and Mourning doves only lay two eggs....so I guess that's it for her. I wonder if she will try again.... I felt her loss with her as I, too, lost two little ones of my own.

Tonight she is not in her nest....I think she's moved on.

Our San Diego Trip

2008-07-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

Hi! I just wanted to share a few pictures from our trip over to Coronado. :) We had a great time hanging out on the beach (yes, we spared you the swimsuit pictures!! :)), we went to the Wild Animal Zoo which was incredible and just spent more time wandering through town and Seaport Village. It was a perfect little get-a-way! :)
Here's out little bunglaow ~
We found a dog beach and were very entertained by this huge St. Bernard who LOVED the water!

Sneaky waves!!

A very large paw print of a very large lion ~ thank goodness he was sleeping! :)Mama and baby elephant ~ they were having a great time together that day!Asian elephant ~ aren't these tusks amazing! He looked like a wool mammoth (less the "wooly")
Pride of lions just basking in the shade ~ amazing!

God's Whisper

2008-07-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

So let me paint you a picture....

The room is getting darker as the sun is setting very low in the sky. The blinds are closed and there are slivers of orange sunlight gleaming in through the areas of the blinds that don't completely cover the window. I have my Willow Angels sitting on my dresser, almost all of which are enveloped in darkness. I had just put some laundry in the laundry basket in my room and was heading toward the door. I briefly glanced over to my left to find this magnificant shadow displayed on my wall. The words read "HOPE". I realized the sunlight had captured one of my Willow Angels....a little person with one arm stretched way up high holding a sign that says "hope". For some reason I felt like God was talking to me. It could have been any other of my numerous Willow Angels that caught the sunlight last night, but it was THIS one.....a big bold beautiful message to have hope! It was just what I needed! :)

Self Advocacy :)

2008-06-22T11:55:00.001-07:00

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not the type of person to sit back and let someone else do all the "work" for me when it comes to...well...just about anything. :) So...it's not a very comfortable position for me to be in when it comes to our adoption process and not having a hand in the work to be done to bring our baby home. I don't feel comfortable just waiting without doing something myself to help make our situation different and bring us closer to the dream of becoming parents. I enjoy "fighting for my own cause". :) I decided that I'm going to try and do some things within my power to spread the word that we are two loving people who want to be parents and after seven years have not been able to make that happen for ourselves...we are seeking to adopt an infant to raise in this wonderfully beautiful, honest, open and incredibly loving family we are a part of. We are homestudy ready which means we have completed all of the necessary information needed to become certified in our state. We are just waiting...for a birthmother to think that we are the right people to care for and raise her child. I have thought about posting our "dear birthmother" letter...just in case anyone who happens across this blog reads it and knows someone or is someone who wants to make an adoption plan for their child. It feels a bit personal, but I guess we have to let ourselves be vulnerable sometimes if it means achieving our dreams. :)

Just a Little Vent

2008-06-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

Something has been on my mind for a little while and I guess I need to release it in order to move on from it. :) The New York Times recently published an article regarding the journeys of several women through their infertility/adoption/child-free living, etc. The infertility support group that I am involved with sent out an e-mail regarding this article and a link to it in order for anyone who wanted to to read it since they felt like it was an adequate representation of many feelings involved in this disease. At the bottom of the article I ran into an area where readers can respond to the article and leave comments about their thoughts. As I read through the comments I was horrified, hurt, and in shock at the lack of compassion and downright cruel and mean things people commented upon. Granted I am aware that until a person has experience something for themselves, they could not possibly know the magnitude of hurt or pain involved...but I guess in never occured to me that there are people out there who have absolutely zero compassion for anyone going through the battle of infertility. It took me back...actually way back....to the point of wondering why we can't all just support each other even when we don't understand the other person's hurt. Is it our right to be judgemental of another person's pain just because we don't feel the same way?? Wouldn't it be nice if we could just feel compassion for a person solely because there is something in their life causing them pain? Comments were left about the fact that "if infertility is the worst thing in someone's life that they should just be grateful". To be honest, almost every single day of my life I have a conversation with myself about how much in my life I have to be thankful for...and do you know why I have this conversation with myself everday? It's because everday I am reminded in one way or another that after 7 years I am still not a mother no matter how hard I have tried to be one. So, yes....I know how incredibly fortunate I am to have such a wonderful family, a roof over my head, a wonderful support system, amazing friends and a husband that is a human angel.....but it still doesn't take away the pain I feel when I think that I might never experience feeling a baby growing inside of me, the miracle of birthing my son, looking into my child's eyes and seeing the reflection of her father or nursing a baby to sleep. Some of these things aren't important to some people...but they were important to me and my choice to have these important things in my life were taken from me without my permission.
So before we judge someone's pain based on our own idea of importance on the subject... let's just acknowlegde that the person is hurting, lend them our compassion, and do what we can to help them through it.

okay...now I feel better. :)

And then you lose your job...

2008-06-05T12:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true. Tuesday our division informed us that due to the hardship of our economy all of the designers would be let go. Technically my last day is the 13th after a long week of installing our last remaining project. Funny how that worked out!
While we all knew that this was a possibility (they had already let two designers go since the beginning of the year), we had just received a new project and were in the middle of preparing for a presentation. We certainly were not expecting this right now. I had in my mind that eventually leaving my job would be under my terms. I would work up until "our baby" came and then be at home. The timing of this isn't quite what we had planned for. And actually...it's not really about the money so much (while some adjustments must be made), the difficult part of it for me has been about the people I have come to know and build relationships with over the past 8 years of being in the design industry. Not only the people that I work with directly, but our vendors who I work so closely with and have for a long time. I knew that when I eventually left my job as a designer, I would most likely not return to the design field once I went back to work (if I decided to). So, this abrupt change in my life is kind of the end of an "era" for me. I won't ever work in this industry again and even though that's my decision, it's still been what I've done for the last 8 years....and it just feels a little bit strange. I must say, I feel a little bit sad. I've never been in this situation before.
I know that everything happens for a reason. I was very ready for change in my life...I just didn't know it was going to be my job...but I am going to embrace what this change means for me and take some time to find my new direction. Whatever that might be.
I know from being on the building end of the economy and also seeing what Matt's going through on the finance end of the economy that our world is a little scarey right now. I just want you all to know that I hope you and your families are pulling through okay and I pray that this little black cloud that seems to be hovering over us right now soon lifts.
Let's all take care of each other. :)

Update on Potential Birthmother

2008-05-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

She chose another family for her baby....
I feel like crying although I'm not really sure why....I think in a way you let yourself start imagining the the life you might share with this particular baby and imagining the way and time in which your life would begin to change. I guess this just wasn't "our baby"...

Memorial Day

2008-05-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

Thinking about and honoring those who have given their lives today through the tragedy of war. Wishing peace and comfort to their friends and families and to all of those still waiting to come home. May we always honor and remember those who have made this ultimate sacrifice.

Especially thinking of our dear friend Jeremy Fresques who was taken from us on May 30, 2005 in Iraq. May peace be with him and his family.

Update

2008-05-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

Well, there isn't one regarding the potential birthmother and I'm frustrated by the fact that even though I've emailed our social worker twice in regards to "just letting us know when their meeting was scheduled for with the birthmother", that I haven't heard 1 single word. I'm certainly not expecting any sort of answer from the potential birthmother this quickly...all I wanted to know was when the meeting was...or is....or won't be. In the meantime we're just left to wonder....ahhh, the unknown....it's just a big bag of fun!

On another note....we've pretty much finished the painting in the nursery. :) We received our dresser/changer combo, but haven't gotten our polka dot chair yet. :) Probably the end of next week. Anyway...here's the latest. :)

Smiling Faces

2008-05-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's raining daisies! African Daisies that is. :)

Brittni gave out these seeds to each of her guests to leave with after her wedding. Last year I found them and thought "why don't I plant these!" I'm sad to say that I actually didn't sow them very gently or with much care. I haphazardly threw them out along side our tropical hibiscus...not really expecting a whole lot, but hoping for a surprise. Well...lo and behold this year these little plants started popping up all over a certain area of our yard. At first we thought they may be weeds...but we decided to see what would happen. As these "weeds" started getting taller and taller we started feeling a little more like they were weeds. Then we started seeing tons of buds on them. Literally if felt like it was overnight and they all just started blooming like crazy!! It makes me so happy to see them...I feel like there's a hundred smiling faces saying hi to me!! :) It's been SO hot the last few days and I have been so afraid of losing them, so I thought I better get some pictures while I could and enjoy them while I can. :)

Thanks B! I love the gift you have given us. :)

Some Stirring...

2008-05-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

We were presented with a birthmother profile last night to see if we would like our portfolio shown to her. We immediately said..."yes!! Please show this potential birthmother who we are!"
It appears to be a very good situation, however she's only approx. 4 months along and is just in the beginning stages of her search. She wants to get the ball rolling early and seems to know that adoption is what she wants at this point. We will most likely be shown to her with several other waiting families....we're praying for the chance to at least meet with her. Would you mind praying along with us?? :)

A Little More "Buzzing...."

2008-05-06T17:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not done yet, but this is where I left off for the time being. :) Some of them are still missing their wings and one of them is missing his legs. :) But I think they're turning out okay. What you you think?? :) (be kind)

Sharing

2008-04-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

Well, here's a little picture of what we've done so far. You can't really tell, but the bottom part of the wall is beadboard and it's painted white. There's a white chairrail and then (obviously) green above. I have some of the bumble bees penciled in, but...I'm a little nervous to actually begin painting. I don't know why...I feel like I'm having this issue (which I often have about a LOT of things) with "finishing" something. It's really a weird "issue" to have...but for some reason the "finishing" brings about some anxiety. Maybe it's because I have to "rest" with the result and don't have the option to dream about it anymore. WHO KNOWS! But it affects me all the way down to not finishing my drink sometimes for heaven sakes!! Anyway...I'm working on it. Maybe I have a need to know there's always "more".

My wonderful mother helped me paint all 5 coats of paint on the wall ~ yes...5! Due to some paint matching issues. And my sweet dad ended up having to cut our angles for us on our chairrail with one of his handy dandy big daddy sawing tools! Thank you!!! :) We appreciate all of your help!

Online Profile Is Up!!

2008-04-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

Hi! We've been waiting for several days now to see our online profile up on our adoption agency's website and as of today ...it's up!! :) This means that birthmothers, etc. who are looking to place a baby can find us on the website too and don't just have to go into the agency to look at our books. It's really quite strange to log onto a website and see our smiling faces. It causes me to feel a little vulnerable...but I guess it's necessary for this journey.
Another fun thing...my mom and I painted the nursery yesterday! It looks beautiful and I thought we were done until I realized that the second gallon of paint is lighter than the first. :( You can see every roll I made "finishing up". Turns out they were created from two separate bases. Looks like I have more painting to do... Something else that's totally exciting to me is that I ordered our chair for the nursery too!!!! I'm so excited about this chair (you really have no idea)...it's black with white polka dots! It will fit right into my "bumble bee" theme. :) And it's SOOOO comfy!
Hope to have more good news to share again soon. Thanks for being patient with my enthusiasm for such small details, it's just that we have waited sooo long that every little bit that I get to do that I have only dreamed about doing in the past, is like the joy I felt on my very first Christmas morning! (that I remember) :)

Please Say A Little Prayer For...

2008-04-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

A potential birthmother that we had to decide to pass on showing our portfolio to. She's in a difficult situation and could use some special prayers I'm sure. She's due in 2 weeks!!
Yes...that fast!!

Approved!!

2008-04-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

We're officially approved and certified for adoption! :) We just received the news today and we were completely caught off guard since we thought it would be toward the end of the month.
Yay!!!!! Now...let the waiting begin!

Poem In Your Pocket day

2008-04-17T10:16:00.001-07:00

I included this poem on the last page of our adoption portfolio.

"TWO WOMEN"
by Lori Coleman

"Two women cry into the night, their eyes are filled with tears.
Oh God, why is this happening, I need to feel you near.

One women sits in darkness, decisions she must make.
She wants to do what's best for her child, it's life she cannot take.

The other women clings to her mate, she doesn't understand.
Why they're unable to have a child, as so many others can.

These women come from different worlds, their lives are miles apart.
But God would deliver them from pain, and heal their broken hearts.

Because one precious morning, their lives were intertwined.
Both women's prayers were answered, as they felt God's plan unwind.

One woman touched her newborn's cheek, and whispered to the babe,
'because I love you little one, this sacrifice I make'.

With strength she felt from heaven, to the other woman she gave
The miracle of a baby, for her to love and raise.

The other woman looked down, at her precious baby's eyes
And thanked God for the woman who had helped fulfill this life.

Two women pray into the night, and thank the Lord above.
For the gift He's given them, to feel a Mother's love."

They're Off!

2008-04-16T09:23:00.001-07:00

All of the copies of our portfolio are done, all "ribboned up" and are on their way to Hillsboro Oregon! I almost cried when I put them in the box and taped it all up...I don't really know why. I felt like I was sending kids off to school for the first time or something. I wanted to say "now, make me proud and show everyone who you are!" :) (no, I wouldn't say that to my children, but somehow I felt like our future was left up to these little books in some weird way.)

Even though we are still waiting on our approval, our agency is able to start showing potential birthmothers our portfolio if someone is interested in looking at it. WOW! What a crazy thought! :)

We're starting to talk about some of the fun things now...names...strollers...carseats...formula...diapers...nursery decor...:) I can't believe we're finally at a place where we can be talking about these things. :) Feels good!

To Surrender....... it doesn't always mean you've lost the battle

2008-04-09T07:31:00.000-07:00

"And the day came when the risk it took to

remain tight inside the bud was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom."

Anais Nin

My Grandma G. gave me this quote glued onto a little piece of cardstock that she included in a letter she sent me MANY years ago. Throughout my life it has been a positive reminder to me that it is impossible to grow if we choose not to transform. Sometimes where we are is more painful than the risk it would take to get where we want to be. These are some powerful words that can apply to many different circumstances. I have this little piece of paper that my grandma sent me stuck to my bulletin board at work. Lately it's been calling out to me again. I have glanced at it and read it many times...

There has been a lot on my mind lately. There are times when I feel that "wow, when we really let ourself surrender ~ God will show us amazing things!". There are times when I feel defeated. There are times when I feel scared to death of what is before us. There are times when I feel so excited that if it happened tomorrow it wouldn't be too soon. There are times I feel frustrated about social "norms" that most people don't even have to think about. There are times when I feel angry about the naivety of the world. There are times that I feel so grateful that I get to experience things that some people will never have the chance to. And there are times when I feel that where I am is right where I'm supposed to be. I think that the peace that can come after a person has been fighting something for SO long and has been enlightened to a more productive route, is magical. I got to the point where the physical, emotional and mental pain I was placing on my body by trying to "make" it get pregnant and hold onto the pregnancy was at a point where continuing to go through that was going to be way more painful than accepting that that particular door might not ever open. It was absolutely necessary to my well being to take the risk to place my dreams elsewhere. Was it easy...no. Obviously it took us 7 years to get to that point...Accepting that sometimes circustances make it so that we aren't able to make our own choices is never easy. But, most often necessary (remembering that happiness is a choice). I know that I am healing just by noticing small changes in myself. I laugh a little more freely...I can enjoy being around children more, without the pain of ever wondering if I will have my own...I can open the door to the "nursery" and know that one of these days it WILL be a nursery... These may seem like very small changes, but the hurt that has accompanied them in the past, I can assure you, was huge.

Yes, it's still very difficult to see a pregnant woman....yes, sometimes I want to sit down and have a really good hard cry...I wonder if that won't always be with me, but I'm feeling change ~ and for me that's a good thing. Sometimes it seems that we get further when we flow with the direction of the waves and the wind, than when we fight with all our might in the opposite direction. (well I guess most often that would be the case, but sometimes it's necessary to fight too. :) I think sometimes God lets us fight it all out of our system, so that when we finally give in to our true path...we can feel as though we did everything we could and can find peace in where He wants us to be. Wow...

A Gift For You

2008-04-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

This message was posted on a blog I visit regularly as a soothing touch for a heart that was hurting. It has been on my mind all day and I wanted to pass the message along just in case it might be what someone else needs to hear today too.

"Your soul has been through a great storm,
but all is not lost,
a kind light is coming soon,
to bring you hope & life.

You can rest now and wait...".
~ Jen Lemen

It was emphasized what a wonderful feeling it is to know it's okay to "rest"....I agree.

The Book

2008-03-30T09:25:00.001-07:00

Well, here is the front of our portfolio. I have to say that I was really at a loss for how the front of this book would come together, but I actually really like how it turned out. :) These are the colors of paper that I used throughout the rest of the pages too. There are LOTS of pictures inside this album...hopefully it's not overwhelming for anyone, but if I were choosing a family for my baby to become a part of I feel like I would want to see as many pictures as possible. I pretty much only have two pages left to create and for some reason I'm having a difficult time. It's the two "Holidays with Family" pages. I think it may be a couple of reasons....we always have SO much fun at the holidays and I don't feel that any pictures convey the depth of what our holidays mean to our families. Secondly, I don't feel like I have very many great holiday pictures so that makes it even harder! I guess what I don't have many pictures of are Christmas and Thanksgiving and these are two of my favorites....I have lots of Halloween photos though! :) It's hard to convey just how special Christmas morning is for us and now all of the little ones....especially with not many pictures. What's a girl to do??
Anyway...the important part is that it's almost complete! I will take it with us up to our agency and then (hopefully) get approval to make the copies. We will need to make 5 copies. I'm going to have them spiral bound and then tie short ribbons along the spiral to give it a more "homemade" feel. It's kind of a bummer that you go to all the effort to make an album and then all the birthmother gets to see is a copy of the album. :)
Hope you're having a lovely Sunday!

Whirlwind of Motion and Emotion

2008-03-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind life has been lately. I feel like I have temporarily stepped out of my life and into the fastlane of paperwork, decision making, reminiscing, dotting i's and crossing t's, digging deep and trying to remember to eat.

We had our first phone interview with our adoption agency in Oregon on Tuesday. I was feeling very anxious about it...not worried, just anxious. I think because it was over the phone I was feeling insecure in the way it would all play out. Will she think we're friendly, will we talk too much or not enough, will there be awkward moments, will we not have the answers to her questions, will she be friendly and on an on. It's enough to drive a person crazy. But, it all turned out fine. She was friendly, we were friendly...all was good. :) We will be taking a trip up to meet them in person within the next couple of weeks and we're excited about that. I'm hoping to have our photo portfolio completed to a point where they can review it and let me know if it's okay to go ahead and make the copies needed to leave at the agency for the birthmothers to review. It will consist of approx. 18 pages of photos organized within certain categories...us together and apart, our families, holidays, things we like to do, places we've been, our pets, our home and should close with a special message, poem etc. I've started pulling all of the photos together and trying to place them on pages of decorative paper, but I can only work at the rate that my mind will allow it all to come together. I have to take breaks and let it all sort out in my head before I can continue. This is sometimes frsutrating and under normal circumstances the creative juices would be flowing I'm sure, but since we're trying to make an "impression", I keep re-thinking my decisons. I need to just let it go...and let the story be told.

Our pool fence is being installed today!! :) I'm sure many of you are very happy about this addition to our home. We are too, although I'm not sure Molly will be. She won't have access to the pool whenever she wants to cool off and she won't have access to check with the dogs next door to us to make sure they all still know how to bark loud and clear. BUMMER! She's really going to be upset when she discovers that "T" can still get through. Yes, I can hear the whining already...

Monday we have our final homestudy visit with our agency here. After getting several documents notarized tomorrow, we will gladly turn everything in to our social worker! YAY! Hopefully at that time we will learn if they have received our fingerprint clearance back yet. If they haven't ...they will have to wait for those before they can write up the homestudy and send it to the judge for approval. If they DO have our clearance back, they will write up our homestudy withing 72 hours and send it to the judge. The judge will typically get it back to the agency within around 3 weeks. At least that's what we were told. :)

So, things are coming together! This process has brought moments of excitement, diligence, self reflection and to be honest...lots of fear. There are so many emotions involved in defining who you are, what you believe in, what your discipline style is, what type of child you are willing to take into your home and what your lifelong plan is for the rest of your existence on this earth. (that's what it feels like anyway). I think ALL parents should have to sit down together and figure all this stuff out before they're able to even think about conceiving. Maybe not...I might never get a baby then! Sometimes it seems that we've had to concentrate for so long on even getting close to this goal of parenthood that when it actually seems like it could happen ~ terror hits and I wonder if I even know HOW to take care of a baby! It's kind of like "yay, we have a baby! wait ~ now WHAT??" It's just been Matt and I for so long....sometimes it feels weird that at some point there's going to be another member of our family. In the past it just always felt like it was something unobtainable...soon it will be a realistic goal! WOW ~ sometimes this is all so overwhelming. But good overwhelming at that.

Thank You!

2008-03-15T12:48:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to put a big "thank you" to all of you who took the time to send us some wonderfully useful information. We really appreciate it and know that it will help us make these difficult decisions.
Have a Beautiful Day!

"Drug" Related Issue

2008-03-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why we couldn't just have children "the old fashioned way"?! (okay, I wonder that A LOT, but that's beside the point.) Someone mentioned that a comment was made to them regarding their adoption that they "decided to get a child the easy way". If anyone ever said that to me I'd literally wring their neck! How could someone be so insensitive and naive...
Anyway...that topic is not what this post is about.
Our agency has asked us to research and describe in detail, what (if any) amount of drug use by the birthmother is acceptable to us. Well, if we were able to have our own biological child he or she would not be exposed to those things at all....so we don't want this child to be exposed to any either. However, this does not seem to be the norm so we are asking for help regarding this matter. If any of you for any reason know about legitimate effects the following drugs could potentially have on a child, will you please let us know? You are welcome to post here, or if you would rather e-mail me you can do that too. (jmeturg@yahoo.com)
Meth, Speed, Heroine, Cocaine, Marijuana, Tobacco, Alcohol

Thanks for any information you can share with us. :) I know that most of you probably don't have experience with these drugs, but if you know anything about their effect on a fetus/baby while in utero it would help us make our decisions. :)
Thanks so much!!

Happy Birthday Miss Beth

2008-03-08T06:58:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I hope you have a very wonderful day full of special people and special surprises. I hope the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming and that all is perfect in your part of the world. (if not, you can come on down here!)
So thankful for this day 27 years ago! :) Enjoy your beautiful day!!

This Girl...

2008-03-02T07:22:00.000-08:00

" This girl" has been on my mind lately and I think she deserves some recognition. :) There probably isn't anyone who I have ever met that has a more helpful, sincere, caring disposition than she does. She has become such a huge part of our family and is always jumping in to help in any way she can and always comes through with more than you ever expected. She's there every year to lend support at the 3-Day walk (even toting kids around). She's there at parties brining food, taking photos and sharing her cheerful disposition. When things are not going so well for you she wishes you sweet words of support and encouragement and sometimes even leaves sentiments of thoughtfulness on your doorstep. :) Our family has been blessed by her friendship and we're grateful for everything she adds to our lives.
(I'm hoping that she won't mind that I "stole" this photo ~ I didn't list any names so I thought it would be okay. :)
Wishing you "sweet girl" a wonderful day! :)

Homestudy Visit #1

2008-03-01T13:48:00.000-08:00

We had our first homestudy visit last night! Two women from the agency we are doing our homestudy through came to our home around 6pm....we were done around 8:15pm. This only means one thing...lots of paperwork. :) This visit was to explain the paperwork and documentation in great detail, take a look around our home to make sure it is a safe environment and let us know of anything that we need to do to make it safer. Fortunately that list is short. We need a pool fence (which we already knew and are in the process of scheduling), receive our CPR and first aid certification and post a listing of important phone numbers next to our phone (poison control, emergency, etc.)
All in all it went really well. There were 3 documents that the agency needed to receive back as soon as possible due to the time it takes to process them. (fingerprinting, cps clearance, etc.) Well, for those who know me, it will be no surprise that those forms are already on their way back to the agency...fingerprinted, filled out and signed! :) The process is underway!
For the remainder of the day, I will be filling out even more paperwork. The most daunting part is going to be writing my autobiography....Matt and I both have to write one that is an average of 6-8 pages!
We are just so excited to be on this new path...I have read, received, heard about information and stories that just touch my heart so much. It's really all God's divine plan isn't it! For the first time in a really long time I feel like I can breathe! hmmm, peace...yes, this feels good.

PEACE

2008-02-24T08:46:00.000-08:00

Peace is what we're feeling these days. A dear friend of mine included a passage in her latest e-mail. It's Psalms 126:5 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." For some reason this brought me a sense of peace.
Another reason is that Matt and I have decided to pursue adoption...and we're so excited! I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and that we're finally on a path that WILL bring us joy. It's wonderful for us to think that our desires of having a family could possibly be months away! This road will no doubt have it's roadblocks...possible heartache as well, but it WILL end with a baby being placed in our arms. This process is long...especially the initial processing, paperwork, spilling your life and heart out to only be judged whether you are "worthy" enough of giving a child a home, but it will all be worth it. I feel that in my heart.
So today we're celebrating! We're GOING to have a BABY! :)

2008-02-19T10:40:00.000-08:00

My RE confirmed what we already knew...we're experiencing a miscarriage. We feel sad, frustrated, confused and mad about what is happening....but we know that we have done everything and more than we possibly could. We feel like we surpassed so many hurdles with this last cycle and made it SO far....what a beautiful story it would have been.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all of your love, prayers and support. We appreciate our families, friends and acquaintences who have helped carry us along this journey. After 7 years, 4 IUI's, 5 IVF treatments and 2 pregnancy losses, it's time to re-evaluate our direction. We hope our next journey brings us the happiness we have been so desperately seeking.
Love and thanks to all of you ~

Prayers Please??

2008-02-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

Without going into the "tmi" details....I'm hitting a bit of a rough spot which is causing me a lot of worry and fear that this pregnancy is in jeopardy. I know how all of your prayers have helped carry us through in the past and I'm asking for your prayers again. I won't know anything for sure until my u/s on Thursday (unless of course something happens in the meantime). Any postitive energy you can muster up and all the prayers sent out on our behalf is so greatly and sincerely appreciated. I'm trying to just take this "one day at a time"...

Early Ultrasound

2008-02-15T07:04:00.000-08:00

Hi ~ We were originally supposed to have our u/s today at 9:45, but Wednesday I woke up to some spotting that I was concerned about. It had started to happen on Tuesday and by Wednesday it was a little heavier, so I wanted some reassurance that everything was okay. My RE got me in at 1:45 on Wed. Matt was out of town and I was really nervous about the the news I would be given. It happened to be the exact day that we found out last time that the embryo had stopped growing. But...my RE couldn't see anything going on except a sac and yolk located right where it should be. He did say that it was measuring a little small , but still within normal range. (whatever that means!) So, now we have to wait until next Friday for an u/s. It's going to be a long week! At that point I'll be 7wks 1day and if there's a heartbeat, we'll be able to see it. I'm really hoping for that! I would love to get some real substantially good news. I feel like as good as our news has been...it's all been kind of middle of the road. Do you know what I mean??
Anyway...I know that some of you were expecting more news today and just wanted to give you an update. :)
Thanks again for all of your prayers and positive thoughts. We are so far from being out of the woods and we just appreciate your support so much!

Still Moving In The Right Direction

2008-02-11T09:10:00.000-08:00

Hi! Just a quick update with today's news. Our hcg level is at 1928 today. :) It's not as high as I anticipated, but my nurse reassured me that things are still on track as they should be, so I'm choosing to believe her! :)
I won't go back until Friday, which is when I will have my first ultrasound to check everything out. At that point I will be 6 weeks 1 day, so still VERY early.
Thank you all so much for sharing your excitement with us. If we seem extremely cautious to join you...we are, but we still love the excitement you show us. :)
It's another good day!

Happy 60th To My Papa!

2008-02-07T06:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Dad!!!! :)

I hope you have a very beautiful day and that you get to do something that makes your heart soar!! You have had a rough year and I'm so thankful that today you are feeling good, gaining some weight back :), getting to do the things you love again and eating the foods your heart desires! You mean so much to me dad and I'm so grateful for the chance to celebrate you today and all that you bring to my life. You have always been stability, strength, compassion, wisdom, morality, adventure and love. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of those things.
Happy Birthday ~ may your year bring you so much health and happiness!!
I love you! :)

Can You Handle Some More Good News??

2008-02-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

Today it's 595! Again...more than doubling. So grateful for today!
I am so excited, yet so cautious to the point where I almost feel it isn't real. I'm so afraid one of these days it's all going to be taken away again...
but, today....I'm happy. :)

A Little More Good News

2008-02-04T12:26:00.000-08:00

So, we're moving in the right direction. :) Today our hcg level is at 191 and my nurse was extremely pleased with that number. And so are we!! :)
I go back on Wed. for another blood test and most likely will continue to do that until the number reaches a point that my RE is comfortable with. So...today is another good day! I'm learning the importance of living in "today" and not getting ahead of myself by looking too far into the future. :) Thank you for your continued love and support and prayers!

Cautiously Optimistic

2008-01-31T11:51:00.000-08:00

I think I'm getting really tired of hearing that...
We received our results from our frozen IVF cycle and we have a positive...however our hcg level is quite low. They like to see this level above 50 and ours came back at 20. My RE said that he has seen this number come back a little lower with frozen transfers than with fresh cycles. He advised us to be cautiously optimistic. I don't know how to do that with this type of situation...Yay, we're maybe pregnant! I guess I just need to be happy that there's still a level of hope and that our hope today was not squelched with a negative result. :)
My sister said (Cassie), "well, last time you had a great number and that didn't end how you wanted it to, so you'll just have to see what this leads to." And I had to stop and wonder if I'd gotten ANY number, would I be happy with it or would I still feel like I had to take it a day at a time. Yes, I think I would still feel scared and unsure of celebrating too much. So...here's to a postitive test today! :)
I go back on Monday to see if my levels have risen as they should be. I'll let you know how that turns out. :)
Thanks again for all of your prayers, thoughts, encouragement, support and love. We couldn't do this without you all. :)

Oh, Awaited Day!

2008-01-27T09:02:00.000-08:00

I have been waiting for this day all week! Finally...it's raining! At the beginning of the week I was looking forward to Thursday when it was supposed to rain...it didn't rain. Then Friday...it didn't rain. Finally....it's Sunday and it's raining! :) I find the rain to be exhilerating. A breath of fresh air. A sense of renewal.

You know when there's a lot of commotion going on and the dust is thick in the air and swirling about and the rain comes along and pats all the dust back down firmly into the earth again? Well, that's how I feel about the affect that rain has on my internal "dust" as well. Everything just gets a little more settled, "patted down"...I stop and relax for a little while. I breathe a little deeper and feel like the air is a little fresher. It makes me want to twirl around outside in the wetness with an umbrella and smile....or twirl without an umbrella and laugh!

The rain...in my world...kind of softens the hardness, caresses and invigorates, and lets us know that everything is going to be okay.

Bring on the rain! :)

Thankful Thursday

2008-01-24T06:54:00.000-08:00

Today, and everyday, I am thankful for family. They are the ones who are there for us no matter what. When we make bad decisions they help us put the pieces back together, when we make good decisions they cheer with us, when we are lonely they are company, when we're sick they take care of us, when we are successful they honor us, when we're sad they cry with us, when we have surgery they wait in the waiting room for hours for us, when one of their own is hurt they huddle and pray, when our heart is broken they arrive with threads of gold to sew it back together, when new members are born they rejoice, when old members leave they mourn...family. I don't know what I would ever do without mine.
There has been a lot going on in our families.....as everyone knows....and one of the people who I'm thinking a lot of today is Jill. I am hoping and praying for cancer-free cells! I know she probably won't get the results today since last time it took a few days...but I'm thinking about her and praying for a smooth surgery and good news! May she know her extended family is holding her in their hearts and that we are here for her to cheer with her. We love her and want her to know that no matter what happens...she has family....

It was a good day!

2008-01-23T06:58:00.000-08:00

Well....our little embryo heard your prayers and was strengthened by them because when I got to the doctor yesterday morning I was told that s/he survived the thaw process! I was elated and overcome with emotion...I truly wasn't really expecting this news.
The morning started off a little rocky with Matt waking up with chills, fever and cough. I told him to go back to bed...he couldn't be anywhere near such fragile company! :) Besides, it was obvious that the only place he did belong was tucked under layers of blankets in bed. So, I set off at 6:15am in order to arrive at my scheduled time of 7:30am. Around 6:45am I called my mom and asked if she could pick me up at around 8:45 and she was happy to do so, even though it was a good hour long commute in traffic. What a mom ~ and my sister Cory and little Brodes came too so that I could get my car back home. :) Thank you!!! :)
It was a little different not having anyone in the transfer room with me, but after 2 1/2 years with this reproductive endocrinologist, they are like my second family. :) So, I wasn't nervous...especially after the knowing the fight that this little embryo put up just to get to this point. I had a picture of it to hold, and I could look at the screen as they placed it in my uterus. This process just amazes me every time. You would think after doing this 5 times that I'd be used to it...but I just continue to be amazed.
The process after transfer is to wait for about 30-40 minutes before getting up, so this time instead of talking with Matt...they turned the light off and let me sleep! :) They came in and woke me up when Mom and Cory got there around 9am. It all actually went very smooth!
Yesterday and today, I'm on bedrest which is nice, but gets a little uncomfortable since I'm doing intramuscular progesterone injections in my glutes and have knots the size of golfballs! But hey...when has this process ever been easy! :)
So, we'll have the results in a couple of weeks.

As for poor Matt....he's not doing so great. Tried to take a shower this morning, but I found water all over the floor and him face down in bed...sick. :(

Thank you everyone for every way that you have helped support us through this journey. It has been a long one and we are just so thankful for your continued dedication to helping us through. We love you!

Calling all Angels

2008-01-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

One week from today we have our frozen embryo transfer scheduled. We were able to cryopreserve one "very strong" embryo from our last IVF cycle in August. The thawing process will begin next Monday the 21st, but we won't know for sure if the embryo survived the thaw until Tuesday...the day of transfer. With cryopreserved embryos, the survivial rate from the thaw process is 50%. We would love it if you would keep us in your prayers. I am trying so hard to keep optimistic about this cycle, all the while guarding my heart from possibly losing the embryo before transfer, getting a negative test result, and/or most of all living the disappointment of losing a pregnancy again. I know it really is all out of my hands, and I know that no matter what happens...I will be okay...but does that "hope" for success ever go away? Anyway...I really feel that all of your positive thoughts and prayers really helped last time. Knowing that you were all holding us in your heart allowed me to let go and know that it was okay. So, if you could bring us to the forefront of your thoughts or prayers over the next couple of weeks we would be so thankful.

Thankful Thursday

2008-01-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

First of all I'm thankful that today is Thursday in and of itself. :) I don't have to work tomorrow!!
Secondly, I've been thinking lately that I'm really thankful to be living in a country where we have a woman running for president!! For some reason this has been on my mind a lot lately. To me...it doesn't feel like it should be any other way, but for this country...it is evidence that we have come so far from where we used to be. Not only is she running for president, but people are voting for her! It doesn't matter whether you share her views, are republican or democrat, would vote for her or not...those things don't matter. What matters is acknowledging the fact that for the first time in history we have an African American man and a caucasian woman running for our presidency. We are making history today. For this freedom and forward movement of the people...I am thankful.

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T15:46:00.000-08:00

Wishing everyone a wonderful and safe New Year celebration!!! Matt is a bit under the weather so we're gearing up for a nice quiet night at home. :)
I hope this year holds all the magic and peace that your hearts can imagine. May all of our dreams come true in this new year and if they don't...may we have the strength to remind ourselves how much we DO have to be grateful for. I find myself thinking of all of the people in our country and every other country in the world that are facing such overwhelming turmoil heading into their new year. Many are feeling something that I can't even fathom experiencing or facing everyday. I have been feeling a very raw sense of gratitude lately...for those in my life that love me and support me...for the roof over my head and the food on my plate...for the freedom that is a part of my everyday...for the decisions I can make about my life....for the unconditional love of my kitty and puppy...for my husband who "gets" me...for those who have come before and for those who are yet to come...for the option of hope...I'm grateful.
May we all make some new year's resolutions this year that contribute to the goodness of humanity or the conservation of our world or just something that makes life a little better for everyone. If you want to share your resolution, I would love to hear them!! :)
Happy New Year!!!! We love you!

Happy Anniversary!!

2007-12-28T07:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!! :)
I'm so grateful for the love and respect that you have for one another. It has been the foundation for which I have learned many important lessons and I thank you for that more than anything!
I hope you both have a wonderful day celebrating the last 34 years together. I love you so much!!

Happy Birthday Shuazee! :)

2007-12-27T15:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Josh!! I hope you are having a wonderful day (sorry you have to work). I'm so glad you are a part of our family and we just wanted you to know that we're thinking about you and love you and wish you the very best of years thus far!! :)
Happy happy day!!
Love,
Matt & Jamie

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

Well...soon we're off to spend the holiday up North. The days leading up to today have been hard for me for one reason or another...I feel like I've just "existed" within my life and haven't really been living in it. Not too sure I cared one way or the other for a while. I'm still not sure I found my Christmas spirit either, but I'm trying. :) I'm hoping that the colder weather, festivities of the season, sipping hot cocoa, getting well, spending some time doing something other than trying to accomplish the overwhelming number of things that need to be done and seeing our "up north" family will help get me in the Christmas mood. Anyway...I wanted to please ask you not to be offended if you did not receive a Christmas card, because as earlier noted...those did not get sent out this year. I am truly thinking of all of you though and just wanted you to know that.

To my family here...I will miss you. I'm feeling rather emotional this year and feeling the urge to cling tight, but I know it's just a "phase I'm going through". :) I hope you all have a beautiful Christmas full of lots and lots of laughter, joy and wonderful conversations. You will all be in my thoughts and I will talk to you on Christmas! I love you! (don't forget to leave cookies for Santa!)

To my family up north...I promise not to be a scrooge like I have been so far this year. :) I'm looking forward to seeing all of you and enjoying the holiday with you! Maybe we'll get snow!! :)

Merry Christmas to all of you! We love you!!

Angel of Thoughtfulness

2007-12-08T07:23:00.000-08:00

So, I've been visited lately by an angel of thoughtfulness. For the last couple of days, I have found little gifts at my front doorstep. The first day was a snowman mug with a nice little note inside...."Bailey's Please!" Not Bailey's please? with a question mark, but more of a demanding "fill this mug up now!" in a really friendly font sort of way. :) Somebody knew exactly what kind of day I had had! :)

Yesterday I was sitting at the table working on a Christmas craft project (trying to find my groove) and Matt brought in a nice little white envelope with my name on it and said "now I'm getting jealous". :) Inside was a beautifully decorated magnet that read "consider yourself hugged". Done...I felt hugged! and very loved.

So....THANK YOU to my sweet little angel for your thoughtfulness and gift giving. I know this is a very busy time of year where time and money always seem to stretch a little thinner than we are comfortable with, so thank you for taking the time and energy to let me know I'm loved. I've got a mug full of hot tottie and I'm wrapped in a hug. What more could a girl need! :) (besides a bottle of advil for this migraine I've had for two days!! )

Thank you!!

How DID Stella get her groove back??

2007-12-04T14:51:00.000-08:00

I never saw the movie, so I don't know how to do it, but I feel like I've lost my "groove" and I need to get it back. Oh, I don't think it's like I "just" lost it...I've been losing it now for a number of years. I also think I've lost my Christmas spirit too somewhere, so if you see it....will you remind me where it is. And in case you don't get a Christmas card, please don't take it personally. You see...I've lost my motivation to do anything as well.
Maybe I need to go practice those warrior poses!

Journey Rai

2007-12-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

Well, I missed posting on Journey's actual birthday (yesterday) and was really feeling like a jerk of an auntie. So....today I wanted to post my tribute to this angel girl.

J - joyful heart

O - old soul

U - undeniably beautiful

R - radiating peace

N - nuturer of her baby dolls :)

E - easy to love

Y -yellow ray of sunshine!

We love you Journey and can't wait to see you today at your birthday party! :)

Inspired!

2007-11-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's going on, but I've had this CRAZY burst of creative energy lately! It feels so good to be creating...I've already completed 3 projects since yesterday!! I feel like I'm some kind of creative super hero or something....creating...at the speed of light! :) I can't say that everything I've created is beautiful in the least, but it just feels good to be using my brain for something different than what it's been used for lately. Last night I kept waking up with all kinds of ideas. I really don't know where this came from but I'm welcoming it with open arms. :)

For quite a while now I've been wanting to add some new colors to my family room and kitchen palette. We've lived with black, brown and cranberry red for quite a while now. With just a little tweaking I think I could morph it into a new refreshing look by just adding a few things here and there. This photo is the color palette my heart is desiring at the moment. I think these colors are beautiful and these prints just make me feel happy! I think I really need this additional color in my life right now...so will you hold me accountable for making this change?

46 XY

2007-11-07T15:11:00.000-08:00

It was chomosomally normal. And it was a little boy. I received the test results from my doctor this morning regarding the tissue they collected from the d&c. I wasn't expecting the test results to be normal and I really wasn't prepared to know what the sex of the baby was. But I'm glad to know these things now. I've been really emotional all day. Knowing this information doesn't make the situation any more "real" because it's always been very real but it somehow causes me to feel an even deeper sense of loss. We were going to have a little boy....and I want him back.
Matt has reminded me that this is all positive information. We got pregnant. There were no abnormalities. Yes...those things are good, but what about the ache in my heart? What do I do with that? Now, more than ever, I feel like I need to do something to acknowledge this soul and to bring closure to the experience. I want to write him a letter and tell him how much he was loved and how happy I would have been to be his mom.
I just wanted to share this information with you...for whatever reason...maybe to acknowledge his existence for just a little longer before closing the door and trying to move on.

Congratulations!!!

2007-11-04T18:41:00.001-08:00

Congratulations Mom and Uncle Ken!! You made it ~ 60 miles, 3 days, 1 cause. I am so incredibly proud of both of you and know the dedication you have given this weekend for the past year. At closing ceremonies tonight, they announced that this walk raised over 5 million dollars!! Can you imagine how the world will benefit from that?? I know this year was a bit harder than last year for you both and I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for fighting through the pain and mishaps along the way to help find a cure for this horrible disease. I have lots of pitcures to post from this weekend, but (like you :)) I'm ready for bed!! I'll post the pics tomorrow. I just wanted to say a sincere "thank you" to both of you. You truly amaze me!!
Way to go "Juanita's Kids"!!!!
P.S. Uncle Ken I hope so much that you are doing okay and feeling better. :)
Love you!!

Happy Birthday Brittni and Cory!!!!

2007-11-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday my dear sweet sisters!!! I love you so much and wish you a wonderful year full of wishes come true, happiness, peace and new adventures. You are both amazing women, friends and sisters and I don't know what I'd do without you both. You have helped me through so much and I know that you both are ALWAYS there for me. I love you and appreciate you from the bottom of my heart!

B - bravely strong
R - radiantly unique
I - irresistably entertaining
T - tenderly caring
T - there for me always
N - never gives up
I - incomplete without her family :)
AND
C - courageous and caring
O - optimistic
R - ray of sunshine
Y - yearner of peace

You are both all of these things and I love you so much! Enjoy the last years of your twenties!! :) Happy Birthday!!

One Day Down

2007-11-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Uncle Ken and Mom!! One day down and 2 more to go. You both amaze me at your determination and stamina. I think this is a great photo of you both yesterday morning at 6:30am at the opening ceremonies. It was great to be a part of that!

Way to go!!!

Some Tid Bits from New York!

2007-10-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

We had so much fun in New York! It was so exciting to see some of the places that I've only seen in movies or pictures. The energy of the city gives you the momentum you need to keep up with the fast pace and to see all (well, almost all) there is to see! Here are a few of the places we were....

This is the entrance to our hotel. It was only about 30 feet wide, but was 33 stories high. We were on the 33rd floor. :)

This is one of the views from our room. It was really strange to look out into the windows of the office building next to us and see people going about their business. I didn't want to watch for too long. I was afraid I would see something I really didn't want to. :)

Thursday night we went and ate at John's Pizzaria. It is in an old church that was built in the late 1800's. It was beautiful inside and the pizza was delicious!! Matt had eaten here during his previous trip to NY and wanted to take me back there. I can see why ~ it was a true NY style joint! :)

This is the exterior of Grande Central station. This picture doesn't do it justice. The Chrysler building was directly in the background, but it was raining this day and the fog kept covering it up. Inside Grande Central station is truly beautiful. I felt like I had stepped back in time for a moment.

I took this picture in Central Park. It was one of my most favorite parts of the trip, because I don't remember the last time I got to walk along a path covered in autumn leaves. It was beautiful!!

This picture is of the interior of St. Patrick's Cathedral. As we were passing by we noticed the HUGE front doors had opened and we couldn't help but want to go inside this beautiful cathedral. As soon as we walked inside, my eyes welled up at this amazing site. Shrines of statues were set up all around the pews, with candles available to light with prayer. These candles were burning all around us. The magnitude of the church was amazing and for as many people who were inside...it was eerily quiet. Since I had been worried about my dad, especially that morning when I heard he had been transferred to a different room due to some issues with his heart, we decided this would be a good place to say a prayer for him and light a candle in his honor. That felt good. And as we walked by the shrine of St. Elizbeth, we couldn't help but light one there too.

This photo was taken in Central Park. Matta and I love these stone steps and thought it would be a good place to take a picture. Matt propped the camera up on the ground with our little mini tripod and finally we got a picture together! :) I thought Matt was going to break another ankle sprinting up the stairs before the camera took the picture! :)

Matt and I in Times Square after "Grease". Our hotel was only a couple of blocks from this hustle and bustle, so we got to walk almost everywhere.

We were by far the most "dressed up" people at Grease. I was really surprised at how casual most people were. We were told definitely don't where anything too fancy and not to where any type of long dress which is what I was planning on.
P.S. I know it doesn't look like it, but my dress DID come down longer than my coat!!! :)

Here is Matt with the Merrill Lynch bull. We walked all over the Financial District looking for this bull. Each time we would ask someone where it was, they'd tell us something different. I think they were feeding us a bunch of BULL! :) Anyway...we finally found it! We also saw ground zero and walked up and down Wall St. It was really interesting! We saw the building where George Washington took oath as the first president, and the New York Stock Exchange. Ground zero was really humbling and I can't wait to see the new Freedom Tower they are building in place of the Twin Towers. It's beautiful! The memorial that they have planned for this area is amazing too!

Friday during the day we walked around and found the theater where "Grease" was playing. So of course I had to get my picture taken with Max.. aka Danny (oh ya...and Laura...aka Sandy:))

During our walk on Friday, we also found Tiffany's!! :) I wanted a picture mimicking Audrey Hepburn, but the windows didn't lend themselves to that. :) So...I posed in front of the sign and just pretended I was Audrey. :)

Friday night before "Grease" we went to dinner at Bobby Flay's restaurant called "Mesa Grille". It was unbelievable!!!! Matt had pork tenderloin that melted in your mouth and I had a 16 spice encrusted chicken. Both were great!! We actually were told we had the best seat in the house. We were on the balcony and could see just about every seat as well as the kitchen and chefs. The dessert was out of this world ...of course it was chocolate!! We were having so much fun that we didn't realize we needed to get going to the show! Unfortunately it took a little while to get cab, and then the traffic was SO bad that we ended up hopping out of the cab and running the last two blocks. We were so sure we were going to be late...but we we walked in and got our seats just as the lights were going down! :)

Matt took this picture while we were up at the top of the Empire State Building. It was so windy and you really can't see any lights in this picture, but the view was unbelievable! The higher we went up the more nervous I got and when Matt opened the door to go out onto the observation deck and the wind about knocked me over, I wasn't sure I could go out there. I learned quickly that I was okay looking OUT, but not so okay looking DOWN. :) This little excursion took us 2 long hours. I would definitely recommend doing it...but maybe when it's less crowded!

On Sunday morning we took a Harbour Cruise that took us to see the famous bridges, the Statue of Liberty and the different areas of Manhattan (from the water), plus we got to see different parts of Brooklyn and New Jersey. This picture was taken from the boat as we were passing by the Financial District. I think this is such a good picture of Matt. :)

Same cruise. Matt and I in front of the Statue of Liberty. Seeing her was my favorite part of the trip I think. It was just amazing!

She stands in middle of the harbour, facing the gateway to the Atlantic Ocean. You can see all five burroughs from here. She was a bit smaller than I always imagined her to be...but not one ounce disappointing! What an amazing sight!!

Rockefeller Center. Really fun to see the ice skating rink. It wasn't open yet to skate on, but we'll go back! :)

We have a ton more photos, but I won't bore you with everything!! :) We really had so much fun! The cultural diversity that was so apparent as we walked along the streets has really touched a place in my heart. It really IS possible for us to live in peace amongst each other no matter what race, religion or financial status we come from. It was amazing to walk from block to block and hear 50 different languages....for some reason it just made me smile to be a part of that. And despite the reputation that "new yorkers" have for being rude....we never once experienced any rudeness or bad service. We packed in so much, and yet there's so much more to see....SO...when you're up for a trip to NY count me in!! :)

Off to the Big Apple!

2007-10-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight we leave for New York! Our plane leaves Phoenix at 12 midnight...we arrive Chicago after about 3.5 hours, have a 1 hour layover and then on for another 2.5 hours to arrive in New York around 9:30am. Yikes...I already feel tired! :)
I'm really excited for the trip, however travelling always brings about anxiety for me...plus my dad's in the hospital and I'm the type of person who likes to be accessible for whatever the situation might need from me. Even though there're really nothing I can do, not being here is turning out to be a bit hard for me. (it's a personal issue I need to deal with...I know! :) And then there's the actual flying...I can't even think about it or my palms start to sweat. Thank goodness for Dramamine!! Once we get there, I know everything will be fine...thinking about all that is ahead of us is really exciting...5th ave., times square, central park, rockefeller center, broadway, empire state building, harbor cruise, ground zero, statue of liberty (I thought about seeing the statue of liberty this morning on my way into work and started crying...a bit emotional maybe??), delicious restaurants!! It's so exciting to be seeing a part of our country that I've never seen before. I can't wait to soak it all in.
So until we're home again on Sunday...I'll be missing you, loving you and hope that all of you have a wonderful week!
P.S. Take good care of dad!! :)

Thankful

2007-10-23T12:26:00.000-07:00

Today I'm thankful that I was able to go to bed last night knowing that my dad was okay and that his surgery went well. Each step is one step closer to better health and that's the goal. There's a quote that often goes through my mind at times like these. I don't remember the words exactly but the point of it is that the right path through our journey is typically not the one that takes you around the issue, but the one that takes you through it. The path through it is most often more difficult, but it's the one that gets us where we need to be. I'm just so thankful for my dad and for his courage to to walk right through the middle of this difficult situation. I pray the other side brings you happiness and abundant health! I love you dad!!

Hizzle Bizzle ma Sizzle!!!

2007-10-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Cassie! I hope you have a wonderful day full of lots of fun, laughter, love and happiness. I wish we could be there to share it with you. I can't believe you're 31 ~ yikes!! How old does that make me????
You are a very special person in my life and I'm so blessed to call you sister. I wish so much that we were closer in distance, but I'm so thankful we both make an effort to stay close no matter what. I love you so much and wish you the happiest of birthdays!
C ~ courageous woman
A ~ assertively graceful
S ~ sweet sister
S ~ seeker of knowledge
I ~ intelligently beautiful
E ~ enthusiastic teacher (in many realms)

I Love you!!!!

Families

2007-10-16T19:48:00.001-07:00

I found this card by Maya Angelou a long time ago when I felt like our family was going through a rough time. I never quite found the right moment to share it with everyone, but I came across it again and really felt the urge to share the message with you all now.

"Families are held together by choice. Members are alike and unalike, yet there is comfort in the sameness and excitement in the differences. When we respect and relish both conditions, we can call ourselves family. Loving, giving, doing everything we can to work through things ~ that is what our family does, and I am grateful to be a part of it. "

Life isn't promised to be easy, but I thank God everyday that I was blessed with a family who stands by each other, supports each other, encourages each other, is committed to each other and respects each other. I celebrate our differences and feel comforted by our similarities and I find strength every day in knowing you are there.
Thank you and I love you!

Moving Forward

2007-10-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

Hi ~ I just wanted to give an update to those of you who have so diligently supported us and encouraged us through one of the most difficult parts of our journey so far. (you know who you are :)) and we are so thankful for you.
Tuesday I went into Piper Surgery Center for my d&c. I was very mentally unprepared for this procedure, since I didn't know it was going to happen until Monday. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around "the end" and it put me into somewhat of an irritable tailspin Monday evening. Poor Matt and anyone else I spoke to that night.
They use general anesthesia, which my body does not respond well to, so I was fairly sick Tuesday and Wednesday. I went to work on Thursday and I think that evening driving home is when it hit me...it's over. And I started crying...finally. Today I feel a little better...still the lingering headache and dizziness, but everyday gets a little better. It feels strange to just go about my life these days...the last few weeks have been so full of so much emotion, both good and bad. Shouldn't there be some sort of mourning period, or quiet ceremony to acknowledge the existence of a little soul even for the short time it was with us??
I asked Matt last night, how he gets through it...what does he tell himself that carries him through? He told me that he still has hope...that he never loses his hope amongst the sadness. So, that's what I'm choosing to do...maintain hope. I'm looking forward to the good things coming up....the smells of Fall...our first trip to New York!...supporting my mom in her 3-Day Cancer walk...celebrating birthdays...holidays with family....the spirit of Christmas...and new beginnings. All the while, maintaining hope. I know it won't be easy, but as they say "don't pray for an easy life...pray to be a strong person". And every night I pray for strength because I've learned that life is not, nor will ever be, easy. May we all have the strength to fight our battles.

Endings and Beginnings

2007-09-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Our appointment this morning confirmed the worst...the baby has for sure stopped growing and the pregnancy is over, almost. We wait for the miscarriage to happen. It should happen within the next 2 weeks, if not they will need to do a d&c. I'm hoping for it to happen the natural way. We feel so sad and angry and yet...numb at the same time. I never knew I could love something so much that was only with me for such a short time. In that short time ~ it was so big to me...it held so much potential and brought me so much happiness. A happiness I had never know before. My life has been forever changed by its existence, no matter how short it was. We always hear that with one ending comes a new beginning. Well I'm proud to say that today was also a glorious day! Brittni and Cory welcomed baby Wyatt into this world at 3:44 this afternoon! He's beautiful and everyone is doing really well. He weighed 8lbs. 4 oz and was 21 inches long. What an amazing miracle to witness. When it all comes down to it, I just feel so truly blessed to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends and to feel the love abounding all around. It's a good day to be alive.

Devastation Hits

2007-09-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

This is the last post I ever wanted to be writing, but I just need to get it over with. I had another u/s this morning and it looks like our little baby has stopped growing. My Dr. could not see a fetal pole and the gestational sac was smaller than it was on Friday. Matt and I can hardly grasp what is happening and just feel completely devastated. I was certainly not anticipating getting this news today at all. I've been instructed to continue my meds and was scheduled for another u/s on Monday. However, I was also given direction on what to do if the m/c happens before then. I know this is really wishful thinking and a long shot from actually happening, but if you believe in the power of prayer and miracles...will you continue praying for us? We're just not quite ready to let go of this blessing....as I'm sure you can understand.
Thanks for all of your support~

Last Beta Test and a little suprise!!

2007-09-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

Yay!! Today was the last beta test (my veins are thankful). Our number came back at 2568 today...so that's good. Everything is moving in the right direction. :) We LOVE that!! My RE also surprised me with wanting to do an ultrasound!! He warned me that it's VERY early and that chances are we might not see anything, but he just wanted to take a look. And then...clear as day there it was!!! (yes, just one :)) I was so disappointed that Matt wasn't there, but I had okayed it with him prior. He'll be there at the next one to hear the heart flutter. :) I started crying, then my nurse started crying. I really have the most wonderful doctor and nurse that anyone could ask for going through this process. That makes such a huge difference! So I got to see the gestational sac and yolk ~ amazing! I also got to bring home pictures for Matt. It's becoming so much more real ~ so much more scarey.
I go back on Wed. of next week for another ultrasound to check on things again. I don't know if that's for Dr. Z's peace of mind or mine...but we'll see how things are progressing anyway! :)
So...today...we celebrate more good news!!!! :)

Progress is Good

2007-09-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

So, I think my expectations for today were a little high since we had such a jump on Monday. :) It was still good news...1405. I was expecting around 1600, but we were told that our number today was still very good. Since it's not over 1500 yet, I have to go back in on Friday morning for another blood test. Hopefully that one will be the last one.
I was trying so hard not to get "too attached" (ya, right) to this beautiful thing that has happened to us. But, there is no hope for that anymore...I'm officially attached. My heart wants this so bad...I just pray so much that in May we get to welcome a little one into our family. Please continue to pray for us ~ we appreciate you all so much and the support you provide for us without even realizing it. I'll post again on Friday to give you another update. :)

Today Is Another Good Day

2007-09-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

I went in this morning for more bloodwork to test the HcG levels in my system. We were nervous since you never know what more tests will bring. Since our initial number was 146 and that number needs to double every 48 hours, I was hoping to see numbers around 584ish. Well, the nurse called me back and today our level was at 811! A VERY good strong number again. We coudn't be happier with this news and just pray that things continue rising and growing. We appreciate your support and prayers so much! My next appt. is Wed. morning to do another blood test. If all goes well with that one...it will be our last beta test. :)
We love you!

Miracles Do Happen!

2007-09-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

I just know it was the overwhelming number of prayers that God has been unindated with lately that He finally said "OK"!!! Today we received the best news we could ever hear and the first sign of a positive pregnancy test that we've ever had! I went in this morning to have blood drawn and tested and they test the HCg levels in the blood. To be considered a positive number, it had to be above 50...our number was 146. So that's a good solid number! I go back in on Monday to have my blood retested to make sure the the numbers are doubling as they should. We have no idea what lies ahead of us...it's still SO early, but for today....we're undescribably (is that a word?) happy! We're completely in shock and just keep looking at each other saying "can you believe this??". I've heard "no" so many times, that I'm not sure my mind knows how to process "yes". :) Hopefully we will have the opportunity to really let it sink in and really feel it. Right now it just seems surreal.
THANK YOU to everyone who has encouraged us, supported us and prayed for us. We are incredibly blessed to have you all and would not be where we are without you. Please don't stop praying :) we still need those prayers for continued growth and health. For today....we rejoice and celebrate this wonderful miracle we've been given!

One to Freeze

2007-08-29T18:19:00.001-07:00

Hi! The embryologist called and we had one she was able to freeze today. :) I guess this is good news since I wasn't anticipating having any. She said this was good news and felt really confident in the two we transfered yesterday. Man, there's a lot of pressure on these little guys ~ I'll try and bear some of that for them. :) I asked her about the fact that we lost so many between days 3 and 5 and asked if they just start to "sputter out" and quit dividing. She explained that for the first 3 days of their existence they are actually kind of "battery" operated by the sperm. The sperm are giving the embryos their energy. After day 3, the embryos are running off of their own generated energy. I don't know if this has to do with the development of mitochondria in the cells and therefore generating their own energy or what, but that helped me understand a little better. She said that they only expect to see about 50% survival rate of those working off of their own generated energy. This is all so fascinating isn't it! :) So...all in all that leaves us with one little frostie. :)

These are the photos that Matt took with his cell phone, so they're a bit hard to see. I had brought the camera, but left it in the car. :( The ones of Matt and I and just me by myself sitting are pre-transfer...waiting to go into the operating room. The embryos are highly sensitive to smell, so this is us lotion free, deoderant free, makeup free, product free, etc. :) The one of me lying down is post-transfer where they have me in the recovery room and my bed is tilted back (I feel like I'm standing on my head). They do this to help take the pressure off of the full bladder since you have to lay there for another 30 minutes after transfer. (I think they do it just to torture you a little bit more! )

Oh...we also got Athena back today after her 2 1/2 week stay in the auto hospital!! :) For those of you thinking, "huh?" I was in an accident on the freeway a couple of weeks ago (not my fault), and poor little Atty had to be towed. She was in pretty rough shape, but today...she looks beautiful and I'm happy to have my Greek warrior goddess of protection parked back in my garage! :)

And now we have 2...

2007-08-29T07:41:00.001-07:00

Hi! The transfer yesterday went well. I went and had acupuncture prior and was able to just lay there and relax for an hour, which was nice. I had to take my valium and start drinking 24oz. of water an hour before the procedure. By the time we got the the RE's office I was flying high with a FULL bladder! :) The embryologist came in and told us that we only had 2 blastocycts that were ready for transfer. She wasn't sure we would even have any to freeze...we'll find that out today. All of this information was a bit discouraging at the moment since we were thinking SO positively going into it. How does it go from 10 excellent/good embryos to 2 good blasts?? Anyway...I had to keep in mind that 2 is better than none! :) We've always had 3 in the past...so I hope these little ones are fighters! So, now that "everyone" is home I'm on bedrest for 2 days....lots of time to study for my final! :)
We were given pictures of our 2 little blasts and if I can say so myself...they look absolutely perfect. :) We also took a couple of pictures, so I will post those when I can. :)
Love you all ~
Jamie

Transfer

2007-08-27T07:25:00.001-07:00

Hi! We were told that our transfer will be Tuesday at 1:30pm. So, hopefully we will still have good news when we go in tomorrow. We won't hear anything today since they don't check on them on day 4 (don't really know why).
All of your supportive wishes and prayers have been greatly appreciated...please don't stop. :) It seems that the power of positive thinking (from everyone) is creating this great energy in which these little embryos are flourishing. It's so strange to feel so protective over something you've never seen or met ~ but I feel like I want to go into that lab and just encourage those little guys and gals to keep up the good fight...that it will be worth it becaue they will be loved SO much! I would tell them about the incredible circle of family and friends who would welcome them and provide them with more love and care than they could ever imagine.
Thank you for your support and encouragement ~ the last cycle we went through we kept as a secret and it was SO hard not to have my family to talk to. (poor Matt could only listen so much :)) It has been wonderful having you all to share it with this time and depending on the results of this whole thing...I know you'll be there for us then too. To either help pick us up off the floor or celebrate with us as we fly. :)
I love you all ~

And The Good News Just Keeps on Coming!

2007-08-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

I just got another call from our embryologist and today we have...
5 excellent quality embryos!
5 good quality embryos!
2 average
and 3 poor.
SO...two more of our little embryos are fighting their way to the top! :)
Yeah!!
okay....now my hopes are officially "up".

Unexpected Call...

2007-08-25T10:36:00.001-07:00

Well, this morning I heard the phone ringing and when I saw it was my Dr.'s office, I almost didn't answer the call. There would only be two reasons they were calling today instead of tomorrow when they said they would. One, I have to come in for a 3-day transfer because we were losing too many, or two, there were none left to transfer. I mustered up the courage to answer the phone choking back the tears that were already forming. BUT instead of bad news, the embryologist was just "checking in" on all our embryos and wanted to call and let me know how things were going. Little does he know he about gave me a heartattack! SO...I got the following report today...
We still have 15 embryos!!
We have 4 excellent quality, 4 good quality, 4 average quality and 3 poor quality. :) This is good news!
Just wanted to let you know :)

2007-08-24T16:26:00.001-07:00

My little sleeping partner...if this isn't the cutest thing.... :)

Well, we got our fertilization report this morning and it looks like they did ICSI on 19 of the eggs. Out of those 19, 15 fertilized. So, we are now the proud parents of 15 embryos. :) I'm staying cautiously optimistic since this is right around what we've had for the last two IVF cycles...and we all know how those turned out. We were told that we won't hear anything more until Sunday. Our transfer could be on Sunday (if it looks like we're losing too many to wait until a 5-day transfer), or Tuesday if they continue looking strong and healthy. Fortunately I have a BIO final to study for in the meantime, otherwise I might be pacing! :) Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. They are truly appreciated. :)

A Baker's dozen x 2 +1 ====

2007-08-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

27 eggs! :) I'm still a bit groggy so bear with me...
We had our ER (egg retrieval) this morning and my poor little ovaries produced 27 eggs. Ouch!
I've been pretty uncomfortable now for a few days and now I know why. :) Our RE decided to do ICSI (introcytoplasmic sperm injection) on all of the mature ones. We will get our fertilization report sometime tomorrow. Since they have to use anesthesia to retrieve the eggs, I've been out pretty much all day. Just thought I'd pop on the computer to give an update.
Hope you're all having a wonderful day ~ now...back to dreamland for me.

First blog ever by Matt

2007-08-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

I decided since a lot of the people who read Jamie’s blog also donated to my bike ride this year, I would provide a quick update here…This is the 2nd year that I rode my bicycle for the American Diabetes Association. Last year my brother Eric, niece Samantha, and myself, completed the Ride. This year, due to an injury, just my brother and I rode. Since we were riding a bit further this year, we decided to rent Road Bikes instead of using our Mountain Bikes like we did last year. All I can say is it makes a world of difference. The bike itself probably weighed as much as my mountain bike’s back wheel alone, which made the hills a tad easier.

The ride is called the Summit to Surf and takes place in Oregon. The route follows highway 26 on Mt. Hood and ends down in Hood River. We started just outside of Welches, Oregon at about 1500 feet and rode about 24 miles to the top of Bennett Pass which is at about 5700 feet. That, by far, was the toughest part of the 52 mile trip. The rest of the ride has some nice downhill sections that are both breathtaking and fast. The majority of the ride is through tall pine tree lined roads and as you come down off the mountain you pass vineyards, farms, apple orchards and from several locations you can see the Summit of Timberline behind you. We finished with all our parts attached (lost a pedal last year) and even had my Mom and Samantha to congratulate us at the finish line.

Our team goal was $500.00 and I’m happy to say we surpassed that with $630.00 in total donations. The Ride itself was able to raise over $300,000 for the fight against Diabetes. All in all we had a great time and I am already looking forward to this ride next year and hopefully a couple of others before then.

It is always fun to spend this time with my brother and nice to see my family too. Thank you to everyone who supported us in this Ride and for helping make it a success.

I've been tagged....great.

2007-08-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm supposed to come up with 7 random bits of information about myself. It's been a few days since I've been tagged and I haven't been able to think of anything very exciting....that's a little depressing. So anyway...here it is...7 not so interesting tid bits about me. :)

1. In 6th grade a won a 1st place ribbon and Best In Show for the whole Jr. High for my science fair project about plant growth. I got to take it to state competition in St. Johns (?) and ended up placing 3rd there. :)
2. I LOVE to organize things...anything.
3. I have always wished I had gone into theater / drama. I would LOVE to perform on Broadway. (Chicago, Caberet, Cats, Grease, oohh I love it!)
4. I get dileriously high on excitement in paper and fabric stores, but always end up leaving empty handed because I can't figure out what to do with everything!
5. I'm very sentimental. I love the nostalgia of old things passed down or knowing the story behind the object.
6. I'm deeply affected by my environment. I need to feel that my surroundings at home reflect my inner self. I am happiest when I'm surrounded by things / nature that feeds my soul and is a reflection of who I am. I feel very stifled when it doesn't.
7. I would LOVE to own a "you pick" flower market where I could have fields of wonderful flowers year round for people to pick bouquets from. This would fall in line with my enjoyment of working in my yard. (Except it's really hard to do at this time of the year here.).

Okay....Beth, you're tagged. :)

Isn't this Beautiful!

2007-08-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

Matt took these photos a few nights ago and I just think they are beautiful. I don't know what I will do when we live in a house where I can't watch the sun set every evening.

Camping Trip 2007

2007-08-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

I thought I would just add some pictures from our camping trip this past weekend to Hawley lake. It was wonderful as it is every year. :) I'd like to thank everyone who had to put up with Molly's whining, barking, howling, jumping,fighting. etc. She really is a little lovebug and she promises to get her manners under control before our next outing. :)

I thought you might use this as a reminder that even though you're not still up enjoying the mountains, at least you aren't listening to this anymore.. :)

Here's Tia and Journey Rai...just hanging having a good time.

Here are the girls posing for one last pic!

And the boys!

Next time we'll have to make sure the WHOLE group is in the picture. We're missing the Grove clan. :(

Bye Hawley Lake!! We'll see you again next year! :)

Pomegranite Thread - #814 DMC

2007-08-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

Many of us know people or are people who have struggled with conceiving or maintaining pregnancies. Over the last six and a half years when I see pregnant women, I often wonder "was it easy for them or did they struggle through their process just as I have". I've often wished for some secret nod or look or something that would indicate the connection that we may have. Well, obviously many other women who are a part of this community have felt the same way. There is a subtle movement in place that will help open communication within the fertility challenged community and awareness to those outside of it. This movement is to purchase Pomegranite Thread #814 DMC (embroidery thread), braid it and tie it around your right wrist. Through this, women can better support each other through this emotional journey and others, inquiring as to it's meaning, will become more aware of the struggle that affects 1 in 8 couples. Just wanted to share this with you.

For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile...there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It's rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles. The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or secondary infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility. Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware. Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-coloured thread #814 by DMC . Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others.
Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.In addition, the seeds represent the multitude of ways one can build their family: natural conception, treatments, adoption, third-party reproduction, or even choosing to live child-free.The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility. Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.

I had a request for some information as to where this started. Here is the website: http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html
Thanks! :)

Happy Birthday to Matt!

2007-07-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

Happy 37th Birthday to my wonderful husband! You bring so much happiness and joy to my life and all of those around you. Thank you for your gentle spirit and loving heart. You make my life complete and I love you without end! Enjoy your day knowing how incredibly special you are. Happy Birthday!!! :)

I need to breathe...

2007-07-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you just want to shout out to the world "STOP"!, just STOP!...and ...let me breathe... I do. I've been feeling like that a lot lately. We all deal with personal tragedies. Some more often than others, but I feel so frustrated by the way society just expects us to keep on going. Put on a happy face and just keep on going. Well, some days I just don't want to, yet I go about my day...smiling...laughing (haha)...as if I care about anything other than my miserable internal dibilitating battle over acceptance and downright bitter resentment. The weight of this battle is sometimes unbearable. Yet, does this chaotic world we live in ever give us time to grieve our losses? find peace within our tragedies? nurture our sometimes dying souls? give us time to find the happiness within our hearts again? Where does a person go to just "get away"????? Expectations are everywhere. Responsibilities are...everywhere. Sometimes I just want to call a "time out". Let Jamie find her sense of balance again. Try to make sense of and find peace in the possibility of a dying dream. How is that possible when there's work, school, cleaning, trying to eat "right", doctors appts., dogs, cats, yards, etc. and in the midst of it you don't have the energy to do any of it. Pretty soon another year has gone by and you're another year older and you wonder what you've learned...what you've experienced...what more your life has become about...and you can't think of anything. "Life" just seems to wisk us away...I want to know the key to slowing it down....I need to bbrreeaatthhee. Please world...just let me breathe.
(I'm really okay ~ just sad right now and need to get it out). :) Thanks for letting me breathe for 2 seconds.

The Battle is Over

2007-06-08T21:53:00.000-07:00

I fought the Algebra class and the Algebra class won! I dropped the class after spending over an hour on 2 sections of one problem. BUT, I re-registered for the same algebra class at a different college which has a much more traditional approach to teaching ~ one that I'm used to! :) I start that the beginning of July. What a great way to spend my birthday week. :) I feel like a load has been lifted from my shoulders. I was talking to Cassie and I told her I didn't want to feel like I was "quitting" or "giving up" so I tried to stick it out as long as I could. She told me that there's a difference between quitting and making a decision that is in my best interest. She's such a smart teacher! :) Now...after a week of no Algebra hell...I know this decision was definitely in my best interest!

Catching you up :)

2007-06-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...my life has consumed me and left me with little time and zero creativity. :) But, it's okay ~ it's all been good!

First off, I'd like to re-introduce you to my snail vine who, if you remember just a couple months ago, was a stem with two leaves. Amazing isn't it?? Everday I look out my kitchen window and there she is, growing like crazy and producing her beautiful purple fruit! She makes me happy. (I'll post the picture when Matt gets home and reminds me how to do it. :)

I've had this idea for a couple of years now, that if only I had some roller skates I could get my exercise and give Molly the exercise she so desperately needs as well (without jogging). I didn't want roller blades...I wanted roller SKATES because, from my very vivid memory, I was a total pro on them! Well, a couple of months ago we found some at Big 5 that were very reasonable and my sweet husband surprised me with them when I got home from work one day. Little did he know at the time he had potentially served me my death sentence! :) I imagined Molly and I gliding down the sidewalk (me, in total control of course) getting our much needed exercise. So, one evening Molly and I set out for this wonderful adventure. If anyone knows Molly ~ you know exactly where I'm headed with this. Once she realized I moved just as fast as she did (and wasn't quite the pro I remembered being!) she took off with me in tow!! This was the first time in a long time when I was seriously scared of what might happen. My life began to flash before my eyes and I was trying to figure out how I would ever stop as I felt myself being dragged along down the street at top speed! All I remember is that I saw a light pole out of the corner of my eye and reach out with one arm to grab it. I ended up wrapped around this light pole on my knees in the rocks. Not quite the adventure I had in mind! I was so thankful to be stopped, but at the same time wondering who of our neighbors had witnessed this episode and are now peeing their pants because they're laughing so hard! (by the way no one has mentioned it...yet). You would think that after this I would take Molly home...well, if I weren't so determined to make this work, the answer would have been "yes", but no....I (like a hard-headed idiot) decide to keep going. As we make the bend around the back side of our house, Matt is standing out there with camera as Molly is still taking me for a ride. NICE! (I won't even go into what has taken place since the light pole incident). Well, straight ahead on the sidewalk, guess what......DUCKS! Whoa!!!! There we went again!! By the time we got home I had literally 1/2 of one of my stoppers completely worn off! Needless to say, since then my skates have sat in my closet and Molly and I are still in desparate need of exercise...maybe just something a little less life-threatening! :)

In the beginning of May Matt's parents came to see us for a couple of days. We had a lot of fun cruising Canyon Lake on the Dolly sternwheeler. We saw lots of mountain goats and really pretty rock formations. During their stay we also checked out Gila Mountain Casino for the first time. I tried to make $2o bucks last two hours and actually succeeded! Although I lost it all in the end. I think Duke and Diane both came out ahead. They are the pros ~ I should have taken some notes! :) We also went to Cracker Barrel (Diane's favorite restaurant) to celebrate Mother's Day a week early. As always it was wonderful! We really appreciated them coming to see us ~ are house is always welcome to anyone who wants to come visit! :)

In addition to working, I have also started some classes again in continuation of pursuing my nursing degree. If all comes together as planned, I should be able to apply in the Fall. Yeah!! I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology which I love and College Algebra which I don't love at all. In fact, I think it's my worst enemy right now and I'm trying to figure out how to embrace it instead of fight it! Any tips??

As always and continually for the last 6 years, Matt and I hope and pray to be blessed with children some day. It's been such a joy watching all of the new life be born into our families. I couldn't possibly love my nieces and nephews any more, but it's also hard feeling like something that is so much a part of nature and so easy for other people is something that has turned my world upside down and continues to do so on a daily basis. It's not something I ever forget or stop thinking about. Although this past mother's day (which is always one of the most difficult days of the year) I wasn't sure I would be able to spend with my family. It would be the first year that I would be the only woman at the celebration that would not be a mom. And I had began trying long before any of them where even married or thinking about conceiving. (besides my mother. :). As the days drew nearer and I had told my family that Matt and I would probably just do something on our own (which they completely understood ~ by the way I have a very wonderful support team! Although they could never understand what Matt and I go through, they are always willing to try and understand our needs and support us in every endeavor we pursue! Thank you!) I began to feel that the desire to see my niece and nephews and spend time with my family was greater than the fear of what that experience would do to my heart. I thought that this, for me, was such a wonderful sign of internal and spiritual growth and trying to trust in this journey. I have never felt that desire before and I was so thankful to be able to enjoy the day. It was a great day! So I just continue to try and nurture my soul, be thankful for what I do have, make plans and dreams for the future and know that I am where I am because that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. It's easier said than done, but hey....everything worth something is worth the work right! :)
In what ways to do nurture your soul? Do you want to share ideas? :)

Pure Gratitude

2007-04-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

I've been reminded once again that the people around me that I call my family and friends are not to be taken for granted. It has been brought to the forefront of my mind and heart over the last few days how incredibly fortunate I am to be a part of such a loving, giving and caring group of people. I read the heartfelt sincerity in the anguish and sorrow each one of you are feeling over the tragedy at Virginia Tech and I feel so blessed to live amongst people who have such compassion for human kindness and who understand the depth of it's value in our society. I'm so grateful for the examples in my life that have encouraged this mindset and try each day to live in such a way that is reflective of this compassion and quest for justice. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderful people in my life and want to remind each of you that I love you and am so blessed for your presence in my life. You are all lights unto this world and I'm proud to call you family and friends.
"Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity." Buddha

Resurrection

2007-04-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

From the depths of abuse and torture ~ confined for more than 15 years to the elements of "life" in a hot dusty garage...lost beneath the mounds of items too treasured to part with...my wooden rocking horse that my dad crafted for me during my toddler years was resurrected! It certainly got it's share of use and abuse when I was young, but when I was in high school a couple of my sister's friends were messing around on it and my poor little horse's head and neck were splintered down the middle. I remember shedding some tears over this treasure of mine that I knew would never be the same. I was angry at those stupid boys! I was especially sad because it was something my dad had so tenderly made for me ~ there was love involved.
As always life went on, I moved away from home and in the meantime my family moved to another state. It was many years later, as I was rumaging through their garage that I saw my old rocking horse again (surprised for some reason that it was still around). All of the old feelings of sorrow came rushing back. How I wished it were whole, how I wished that those boys hadn't ruined my horse, so that maybe ~ someday~ it could be passed on to my children to enjoy as much as I had. I remember expressing this to my dad and a few months later , much to my surprise, he told me that he was pretty sure we could bring this horse back into existence. He had a plan for it. I was thrilled!!
Well, he had also started a tradition of crafting cradles and toy boxes for his grandchildren. So, if you're at all familiar with the rate at which my sisters are having babies you can imagine how long my poor little horse has taken a back seat! But I would see the improvements that were being made...slowly but surely. Well, it was getting really close to being completed a few months ago when Brittni announced she was pregnant ~ I figured once again the cradle would take priority over my horse...not that I was really in any rush to get it. But my dad suprised me a few weeks ago when he took me out into the garage and there it was...exactly as I had remembered it (except much sturdier!) All I could do was cry, becasue it was perfect and it meant so much to me that my dad took the time and energy to re-create this special gift for me. He put in so much hard work and creativity to ensure that it was even better than before. He sanded the stain down for hours and hours, just to re-stain it the same color it was 30 years ago. Now, because of his willingness to give me back this treasure, I will be able to see the joy in my children as they "ride it away into the sunset". So here it is...in all it's glory ~ resurrected! Isn't it beautiful!

Always there ...

2007-04-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share something with anyone out there who might need to be reminded of this as much as I did. Last Sunday Matt and I attended an absolutely wonderful church service. It was the first time we had been there and both of us were completely drawn in by the amazing art, music and message. We were truly surrounded by beauty. It's a fairly small congregation which we love and the craftsman style church just bellows "home". Who knows if this church will become our place of choice (it certainly seems to be now), but no matter what ~ it was just what my heart needed that day. The pastor spoke about many things, but one thing in particular has stayed on my mind. He simply reminded us of the fact that God never promises us that life will be easy, that we won't have addictions, that we won't face immense struggles, that our hearts won't be broken, that loved ones won't leave us, or that we won't feel pain....but He does promise that no matter what, He will always be with us through everything. I know this ~ I've heard it before, but it felt SO good to hear it again and to be reminded that no matter what, I have someone to comfort me, to heal my sorrow, and give my burdens to. It reminded me of something Diane told me about one time. She had read a book that made this concept very clear. A father walking beside his daughter....he couldn't manage where she stepped or if she stumbled and fell, but what he could do was make sure he was there to to pick her up, wipe her off and dry her tears. This is what God does for us ~ and for that I feel truly blessed and thankful.
"The Lord goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Happy Birthday Jessa-mini-turkeyskin!

2007-04-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

Happy 26th Birthday to my youngest little sister! Wow, how time does fly ~ I remember you looking just like Asher (with crazier hair) just like it was yesterday!
I wanted to let you know how much I love you and that you are a beautiful person inside and out! Anyone who knows you ~ knows how truly blessed they are to call you "friend"...and especially "sister". :)

J = juggler of desires
E = earnest seeker of truth
S = sincerely devoted
S = sister of many
A = advocate of her heart
M = mother of children
Y = yearner of peace
N = nurturer of the soul

I love you and wish you a beautiful day full of happy moments and long lasting memories!
Happy Birthday my dear sister!
Love ~ Jamie

New Beginnngs

2007-03-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

Fewer things, at this point in my life, bring me greater joy than seeing the promise of new growth in my yard. After our really harsh freeze this winter, I was sure nothing was coming back to us. Everything looked dried to a crisp...barren...dead. I was heartbroken. In this dry desert environment, I took great refuge in the growing sanctuary of greenery beginning to expand over our backyard (and frontyard for that matter). All was lost...all of our hard work and nurturing...all for nothing. Not to mention the cost involved in replanting everything. I really was heartbroken...it really affected me. It is true...some things were lost, but how wrong I was not to have faith that beneath the "dead", "unfruitful" facade were so many new beginnings.
I started trimming back a (what was) huge purple snail vine, expecting once I got to the root I would just be able to pull it out, but...once I got all of the dead branches out of the way I looked in amazement and what was underneath. At the very center of the base, about two inches high, was a single green stem and some green leaves. It was alive and struggling with all it's might to be fruitful. I was thinking to myself, "What if I would have just given up on this vine, not thinking that beneath all of that dead mangled mess was the possibility of life, and just yanked it out." This was one of my most loved vines and I almost ruined it because of what I saw on the outside. This thought caused me to reflect a little on my own life. That possibly, beneath the mangled ideas of "unfruitfulness" and twisted words of discouragement, with a little self care and nurturing, lies the miracle of life. "Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie". (Shakespeare)
Hope you have an inspired day!

My Treasures

Oh...Hi :)

HAPPY 35th ANNIVERSARY!

It's Beginning To Look (a little) Like Christmas!

They Did It!

A Few Little Halloween Treats

Happy Anniversary To Us

Let's Try This Again

A Visit to the Past

Take A Moment

Not this time either...

Requesting Your Thoughts and Prayers

So, the birdie saga continues....

Round Two

Show and Tell Time :)

Our Mourning Dove Mama

Our San Diego Trip

God's Whisper

Self Advocacy :)

Just a Little Vent

And then you lose your job...

Update on Potential Birthmother

Memorial Day

Update

Smiling Faces

Some Stirring...

A Little More "Buzzing...."

Sharing

Online Profile Is Up!!

Please Say A Little Prayer For...

Approved!!

Poem In Your Pocket day

They're Off!

To Surrender....... it doesn't always mean you've lost the battle

A Gift For You

The Book

Whirlwind of Motion and Emotion

Thank You!

"Drug" Related Issue

Happy Birthday Miss Beth

This Girl...

Homestudy Visit #1

**PEACE**

Prayers Please??

Early Ultrasound

Still Moving In The Right Direction

Happy 60th To My Papa!

Can You Handle Some More Good News??

A Little More Good News

Cautiously Optimistic

Oh, Awaited Day!

Thankful Thursday

It was a good day!

Calling all Angels

Thankful Thursday

Happy New Year!

Happy Anniversary!!

Happy Birthday Shuazee! :)

Happy Holidays!

Angel of Thoughtfulness

How DID Stella get her groove back??

Journey Rai

Inspired!

46 XY

Congratulations!!!

Happy Birthday Brittni and Cory!!!!

One Day Down

Some Tid Bits from New York!

Off to the Big Apple!

Thankful

Hizzle Bizzle ma Sizzle!!!

Families

Moving Forward

Endings and Beginnings

Devastation Hits

Last Beta Test and a little suprise!!

Progress is Good

Today Is Another Good Day

Miracles Do Happen!

One to Freeze

PEACE